Today was our last lesson on church in this study. For some reason, this week has kind of been a hard week for me. I’ve been fighting to not put up a wall in my heart when it comes to church, and to really hear what God is teaching me through this study.

To be completely honest, I think there is a (sometimes large) part of me that was thinking/hoping that this study would call us to another church. I don’t dislike our church, like I said earlier. But I just feel kinda stuck and stagnant there. I’m still just as conflicted as ever about that though.

At the end of these 5 lessons, I’m also honestly just as confused as ever. I was tempted to just write out my weekly prayers instead of writing this morning since I don’t really have anything coherent to say, but I felt like I was supposed to just write what was in my head (and heart).

So, in the form of bullet points, because it’s about all I’ve got this morning, here goes—

• I don’t necessarily feel God calling us to another church. I still feel myself wanting it, not because I want to leave but because I want more from church. And yes, I hear how incredibly self centered/selfish that sounds. I feel like God is just calling to light all of the selfishness in my life these days—that and pride. I’m trying to really remember the truth that it is ALL about God and His glory. It’s all about making His presence known here on earth. It is not at all about what I want or desire.
• I’m feeling very convicted that, while I have a lot of “complaints” about our church, I haven’t been praying at all for how God wants to use me. I honestly probably haven’t been very open to Him using me either. I think it’s because, somewhere deep in my heart, I’ve said that God just uses me for work in the inner city. Because out church doesn’t really work in the inner city, God must not be going to use me. Again, there is all kinds of pride and self centeredness wrapped up in that statement. I’m also totally putting God in a box and saying that He’ll only call me to one thing for my whole life, and now I just don’t think that’s true. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to verbalize that until just now, but I do think that’s a large part of what’s been going on.
• I’ve been teaching Aedan’s class off and on for a while now on Wednesday nights and I LOVE it. I taught his baby class, the next class up and the 3 year olds class he is in now. We also just started bringing Austin to his little baby class. It kinda makes me sad, but it also makes me excited to teach his class one day too.
• I am drawn to people at our church who don’t fit into my stereotype of the kind of people who go to my church. But, those people go to my church too, so I’m trying to reconcile that. I’m also really, really trying hard to stop stereotyping, even just in my heart. There is no way for me to know the stories and hearts of the people I am putting into these boxes and often, when I do learn their stories, I am surprised.
• God has been dealing with my heart some with regards to church and, while I still don’t have any answers, there is peace in struggling with God about it. Bringing it to Him takes the decision off of me, and I think that’s where the peace comes from, because I am trusting more in His ways over my own.

I just want to finish today with a couple of quotes from this week’s lessons on church that have been really good, and caused me to stop and think. In a very real sense, my church experience thus far has been SO very different than what Blackaby talks about his church looking/acting like, and I want to go to a church like he describes. I’m praying for God to show us what His will is though, and praying for a heart open to doing whatever He calls us to, big or small, staying or going. I’m praying to stop being so focused on me.

• “A church is the creation of Christ.”
• “A church is on a mission with Christ to carry out the Father’s redemptive purposes.”
• “Being the kind of people who please God is far more important that doing something for Him.”
• “We give our human intelligence and abilities far more credit than they deserve. God is the One who get the glory rightfully due Him for kingdom work.”
• “A church comes to understand God’s will when the whole body hears what Christ—the Head—is telling it.”
• “Each person’s experience of the Holy Spirit is for the good of the entire body, not for himself of herself. This is why we need one another. Without a healthy, functioning body, a church will miss much of what God provides for a church.”
• “God didn’t give things. He gave Himself. The Spirit manifested His presence by equipping people to function where God assigned them.”
• “We do not choose our own function. If God intends for you to serve in a particular capacity, the Head, Jesus Christ, can bring the rest of the body to recognize that. Will you trust Him to do that through your church?”
• “One problem we face int he body is that we seldom see God at work. We just see people. I try to see God at work in His people.”
• “Just because you have never done something before or because you don’t think you have the skills does not necessarily mean God is not giving you that assignment.”
• “Be willing to respond as to the Lord. Serve with all your heart as to the Lord. That assignment in your church could become an exciting place of God’s activity. Don’t do it just to fill a job. Do it because the Lord has led you to.”
• “God can display Himself anywhere in your church you are willing to let Him place you. Ask God to fill that ministry in the life of the chuch with His presence. You could become a catalyst to turn your church completely upside down.”
• “We often wait for majority rule because we don’t want to wait until the Head has time to convince the body of His will.”
• “As that church learned to recognize God’s activity in the life of each member, an entirely new, exciting dynamic was created in the church.”
• Effective body life begins when each individual is rightly related to God in an intimate love relationship.”
• “1 Corinthians 12:7,18 tells us that God adds members to the body as it pleases Him for the common good of the whole body.”
• “When God builds a local church as the body of Christ, He adds members to the local body, and trains them to match the assignment He has for the body. He builds a local church body in a way that enables it to respond to Him. Then, God accomplishes His purposes through it.”
• “Because I know God builds the body to match the assignment, I pay close attention to the people He adds to it. Sometimes that indicates an assignment God is preparing us for.”

Lots to think about. Lots to pray about.