Over the last few months, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Holy Spirit and praying for wisdom to discern when He is speaking to me. While I still often get caught up in myself and my agenda, I feel as though I’ve been hearing His leading more than I used to. I’m thankful for that. And because this is a place for me to process and record, I just wanted to share a little of that.

In Jennie Allen’s study that I’m doing in our ladies Bible study at church, she says that glory is evidence of God’s presence here on earth. Giving God glory just means pointing out where we see His presence here on earth — giving Him credit and pointing people back to Him.

On Friday, Austin had a good morning. Then, around 2pm, he looked at me and just started crying. It was a different kind of cry and I could tell he was in pain. He cried and cried for almost an hour. I was pretty sure it was something I had eaten, because it reminded me of when Aedan was a baby, before we knew he had a milk protein intolerance. Still though, it was starting to worry me because I literally could not make him stop crying, even for a minute. Around the 45 minute mark, because I apparently haven’t learned anything, I started to really pray. Immediately, I felt sure that nothing was really wrong with him — that it was just his tummy or his teeth. A few minutes later, with him still screaming, I texted Landon and asked him to pray. He immediately texted back and said he would stop right then and pray. About 30 seconds after that, Austin stopped crying, closed his eyes, laid his head down on my arm and went to sleep. It pretty much gave me goosebumps. In a very real way, it felt like God was saying — I’m here. I felt like He was asking, “will you give me the credit — the glory?”. Austin slept for about 20 minutes, woke up, cried a little more, went to sleep again and repeated that a couple more times. From the moment he went to sleep that first time though, the worst was over. The uncontrollable crying was over. Then, about an hour later, he was mostly back to normal, thank goodness. Actually, thank you God.

Then, yesterday morning, as we were talking to my brother and future sister in law about their wedding, I felt him speaking to my heart again. I was just starting to feel sad and anxious about it all. It’s in Sri Lanka, which means half of my family will be there and the other half won’t. But I felt like He was clearly telling me to relax, that in a few months they will be married and all will be fine. Things that seem huge right now, won’t be so anymore. While I still feel some of those same feelings, hearing that gave me peace. I can choose trust or I can choose worry, and I’m trying to make the right choice.

Then just this morning, as we were worshiping at Austin New Church, I felt Him again. There were no specific words but I felt very clearly like He was telling me something about church and my struggles with it right now. And while it wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to hear, that doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. I’m just thankful that bit by bit, God is giving me glimpses of Himself and His heart — and helping me to know and trust Him more.