Six People I Wish Would Stop Sending Me Friend Requests
This weird thing has happened as a direct effect of the culture of facebook and social media in our society. Suddenly people who exist on the outskirts of your life (and some which you actively avoid at all costs) feel totally entitled to your social media “friendship”, (which is in some ways demanding a ticket to the peepshow of your life) without stopping to consider how you feel about them. It’s such a weird phenomenon to me, because I weight each and every friend request sent on both physical and internet interactions. My rule of thumb is,
“If I couldn’t get stupid drunk with you and not have it be weird the next day, we don’t need to be Facebook friends”.
Now having said this I recognize that not everyone uses FB in the same way I do. I am open and I share a lot of myself. Not to mention personal photos, writing and daily videos. If you want to read my writing or watch and comment on the daily videos, just use the follow button, I keep those public … in addition to some other stuff. But if you’re not an active social media user, all the more reason for me not to add you … there is such a thing as too many lurkers. Though I would also argue that I love the lurkers that never comment but one day let you know that they’re reading and learning and appreciative of the conversation and insight they’ve been given. I am 100% here for that.
I consider my fb a bit like a salon of sorts because it’s where so many of my favorite discussions go down. And I try not to add anyone who will be a turd in the pool. You can’t choose your family or your coworkers but this … this you can choose. So here’s a list of people I won’t add.
- People who I haven’t spoke to since childhood who were mean to me. Seriously. Carry on with your life and I will do the same.
- Dudes who I messed with who are now married. If you weren’t grandfathered in before now, quit trying to friend me. It’s weird.
- Coworkers I go out of my way to avoid like the plague. If I don’t make eye contact and jokes with you, that’s always a sign that I don’t actually like you. Please stop trying to connect with me in my personal space.
- People from ballet class that I’ve never conversed with. Ballet is sort of like work. Meaning I don’t try and chill with a lot of ballet people outside of class … it’s just too much interaction. It’s not me, it’s definitely you.
- People in the writing/social justice community whom I only have two mutual friends with. If we have 20 mutual friends, you’re most likely in (unless we have beef). But much less than that and Imma have to bounce you at the door. Sorry!
- Dudes in general. Right now y’all take up too much space in every other aspect of my world. This is one place where you get to have a seat. And as we’re finding dudes sometimes have a hard time with the notion of listening while women and people of color talk uninterrupted. The people I delete the most from facebook are white dudes. So I’m incredibly hesitant to make new adds here. Just today a dude in a heavy puffer coat sat down next to me on the metro and proceeded to elbow me in the ribs as he took up more than his fair share of the seat. I couldn’t throw him out of the moving metro train, but I can limit the amount of space hogging that goes on in my corner of the internet.
It’s such a bizarre notion to me that people feel that because they want to be inserted into a certain portion of my life that I should simply oblige. But I’m seeing more and more of it. So let this be a public service announcement for all. If you’re not sure that I want to be friends at this time, use the follow button instead! Thanks!