While excited to leave the pandemic ridden year, the first night of 2021 started for me like it had always been in the past 3 to 4 years, but with a slight difference. This time, the man who concludes the new year’s prayer, while everyone battles with sleep on their seats, but for his loving wife, is no longer in his spot. I looked around as my Aunt led prayer sessions, and also brought it to an end. I felt nostalgic, I searched the faces of everyone present in the big sitting room to find any clue, but my clouded eyes betrayed me with tears swelling up to my already tired eyes. I looked towards my cousins, and my two little nieces (one of whom had started dozing because I played a time trick on her mind), and at my Aunt. I know we all missed him, my Uncle, her husband, their Dad and grandfather. He died some four months before the new year, and it was the first time I lost someone so close and dear to my heart. I know what defines him extends this short paragraph, he was a man who led an exquisite God glorifying lifestyle, and imparted positively on the lives of those around. He was a man who led his life without becoming a victim of circumstances, and also imparted that teaching on me before he left. This is to my Uncle and Big Dad, R.I.P Pastor Moses Aderogba Amure. I love and miss you so much.
With the new year comes new goals, and some older goals yet to be accomplished. In the ecstasy of the new year, I penned down my “2021 goals”. The goals I set were realistic, and with the right impute of energy and focus, its nothing beyond what I’m capable of doing, . My list included; ‘An internship at a law firm’ ‘save 400k before Dec 14th,’ ‘participate in a competition’ ‘make excellent grades in the coming academic year (with a first class in one of the two semesters’. I saved the plans and made out mental maps to achieve my goals.
January was awesome, I got a new laptop which raised my hopes of getting more writing gigs in the new year and improving my writing and finances. I started journaling with my friend, Tinuadedayo, so as to improve at my writing and to keep memories. Journaling didn’t last long as she got busy with work and I couldn’t continue without her since its supposed to be a shared experience. January was great, I had no issues with my finances and SAPA had no credence in my dictionary. School was yet to resume, and I had money saved in my Mum’s account from the writing jobs I took the previous year. SAPA to me: Mumu man!!!! who saves with his Nigerian mum? January gave me the liberty to dine and wine in my comfort zone. I got no job from my plug throughout the month, or the following month, or the months after that. I even tried with someone my cousin introduced to me, but nothing came forth. I moved on, I believed things would turn out well. Little did I know the year had plans for me.
February came, my school finally opened her gate a month after most federal universities had resumed. In my school, things like resumption/academic calendar competes with the tortoise in the race of the slowest, and my school will definitely come second. That semester was different, it was online learning and I won’t exactly say I hated it, but I experienced a lot of things that could have been handled better. For most courses, the lecturers showed up and some of them even connected with the class via zoom/google meet. Some spent hours sending messages to the class via goggle classroom, and some just dropped materials for us to deal with. Just like a lot of annoying things in life and Ife, my philosophy materials (an elective course) almost drove me crazy. I also wrote an ‘online test’ which was not to be more than two sentences. Over here, the game is the game; you play and/or you get played. When the test result came out, I got played. ‘You gerrit? If you don’t gerrit then forget abouritt’. I studied hard for the semester (what other plans do I have to make my first class for the semester?).
An opportunity to represent Tax club OAU at the National tax debate in UniIlorin came up. I jumped on it together with my good friend, Shado Olayinka. The practice sessions with Ajongolo Femi (hereinafter referred to as Seniorman Ajongz) were wonderful. We would go on to discuss unrelated topics while trying to come up with points for the competition. The overnights sessions were cold and long, discussions with Ajongz widened my mind, and I decided to join the debate committee. Fiyinfoluwa Adeosun, the team lead, has a beautiful soul with a pretty face to complement. We emerged as the first runner up at the competition. Shado was exceptional at the debate round, and even got a standing ovation. The moment was electrifying. We moved to the final stage, and it was time for me to make my presentation. My topic was interesting and I had a nice power point design beside me to make the team proud (Oladayo Alabi and Yansola worked on the design). The hall stood still and everywhere was hot. Ilorin is always hot, but that hall was filled to the brim with no proper ventilation. I gave my presentation in 7 minutes, the longest 7 minutes of my day. I ruined our chances of getting the winning spot by not giving a 10/10 during my presentation at the final round, and also messing up a few questions. I felt down for a few hours, but I was the happiest within me. I had my first shot to speak publicly before absolute strangers and I didn’t cough dust. There is still room for growth and development. There’s a next time!
We got back to Ife and school authorities decided to add two weeks to the semester. That means I had enough time to finish a few course works and enough time to revise. My village people caught up in the way of sickness. I was down for a week out of the two weeks, but I emerged victorious.
My birthday came, it was on a Sunday, and my friends; Tinuadedayo and Opeyemi made it feel special, even though I wasn’t particularly excited about my birthday. Reality check came real quick, I am starting a new decade of my life and I‘m still full of uncertainties. The fear of the unknown grew within me as I opened every birthday wishes. I remember telling Shado I feel like I wasted the whole of age 20 to the pandemic, and this led to discussions about how there is more to accomplish when there is still life and will. We spoke till I took my mind off the uncertainties, and I focused on the present. A week later, exams started, my coffers were running dry, and I had no job still. At this point, SAPA already grabbed a seat, and invited himself into my life to feast. The holidays once again gave an escape route.
June breezed by, and brought with it the start of a new semester. For some weird reasons, my Dad thinks I have a lot of money stacked somewhere, so I resumed the semester broke (with a little above what I had left in savings before the break). I can’t blame him, living for months while forming “independent” from his money will give him that impression. The semester came by, I ran it on vibes. I even tagged it ‘vibes semester’. I participated in a lot of extra curricular activities, I stabbed classes a lot more, which was a rarity in the past (its not like the lectures held too), and I just set my mind to enjoy the semester, but with which money?. How do I enjoy the semester when I am still poor? I binge watched a lot of movies/series and visited my friends a lot more. Anything to drown my heart of the sorrow I feel within. My books stopped giving me the joy they used to and I slept more during the night instead of burning her candles.
After procrastinating with the application process, I eventually got a virtual internship offer from Olaniwun Ajayi LP. I learnt a lot during the program, met with new people, and made mental notes to fight procrastination. I learnt I can accomplish a lot more if I start early on my projects without giving in to any mental/physical excuses.
I finally got my first writing job of the year in August. I worked hard on the project because I wanted to be retained by the person who gave the job. The owner of the book had issues with it and I wouldn’t get paid until a month later after making ‘corrections’. Trying to fix my finances with writing gigs made me realize how much I really do not love to write for money. It revealed to me how ‘bad’ I am at such jobs no matter how hard I go on it, even at the expense of ignoring my school work. Maybe that’s not the case, maybe I could have tried better or even find a niche. I struggled a lot in my head, but my brained got wired to think of the worst about my writing career after that job. I handled that rejection not so well. I stopped bidding for jobs and concluded that its only meant for the gifted. Such jobs drains me and I always feel uncreative. It revealed to me how much I need to find what my purpose is in life. I abandoned writing for money because it drains me. I need time to horn my craft and find what I am really good at. Oh, I am still poor and in no way close to the financial goal I set when the year began.
Second semester exams started but was brought to an abrupt end after writing three papers. School wouldn’t resume until a month later. I left school for Ibadan to start an internship offer I got earlier in the year. Intellectually, the internship experience was amazing as I got to learn new things about the telecommunications sector. But I never got myself to be settled as anxiety had a better hold of me. Three days into the role, I had a panic attack in front of everyone in the firm and it felt like I was going to die with my body vibrating voluntarily.
After three weeks, I left the firm for school to complete my exams. In the span of three weeks, I met with new people, and I enjoyed myself in every little way I could. It was a new experience, but that experience had to come to an end on the first day of the last week of the internship for reasons beyond my control. Nonetheless, I learned certain values at the firm, which will stay with me for a long time.
Of all my ‘mapped out’ plans for the year, I came close to winning at them, especially with my first semester results. However, I learnt a valuable lesson. I’m not as bad as I used to think I am. I am capable of doing great things, and I can do a lot if I don’t give in to my fears & doubts. I’m ready to win, in as much as I am ready to stretch my mind. Also, whatever you want so badly, work for it like your life depends on it, don’t forget to rest, and pray to God.
Like never before, I felt alone and lonely the most this year, and shared bits of what I’m experiencing with people. And like life itself, I discovered that moments, relationships, and the people we meet can be so temporal. I’ve learnt to make friendships with no deep attachments, and also to enjoy moments like there won’t be an opportunity to do so with the same person/set of people. People will always leave without looking back, and its not always intentional. In the end, you only have yourself at all times. So build your body and your mind for this long ride called life.
This year, I had a few things that made me genuinely happy; Korty’s YouTube page, contributing to a few academic work, my cousin’s graduation from Uni, Buju’s album, my appointment as a Justice in the House of Lords, my appointment as OAU-ILSA’s Director of Research, Shado’s astounding growth, and Ronaldo’s move back to Manchester United. Thanks to my family members (nuclear and extended), for placing smiles on my face. Above all, the gift of life made me the happiest.
To Tinuadedayo, Opeyemi, Shado and Bolu, thanks for being awesome, and for challenging me to be better. To the new friends I made this year (Seniroman Ajongz, Teniayo, Peace), you guys gave the right amount of motivation I needed at the right time.
Cheers to learning a lot in 2021 and giving it my best shot. There is enough time to grow and win. There is still life.
