Title: I, Me the Boy paradox

The Unseen Struggle: A Journey Through Undiagnosed ADHD

Born in December 1991, I am an INFP male, a personality type that makes up just 1% of the population. Living with undiagnosed ADHD, I am even rarer. As I look back on my childhood, I can’t help but cry. It was a struggle, a battle fought in silence. My keyboard is wet with tears, but I won’t stop. I need to write this.

Growing up, I was different. I was emotionally vulnerable, deeply empathetic, idealistic, and a daydreamer. I was a good listener, always there for others. But society didn’t appreciate these qualities. Instead of being seen as special, I was labelled weak. I didn’t fit into society’s expectations of a muscular, rough male. I was a paradox, a boy who didn’t fit the Mold.

Countless instances of bullying, harassment, and isolation marked my childhood. I was different, and I couldn’t relate to others. The question, “Why am I the way I am?” haunted me, turning what should have been carefree days into a time of misery and escapism.

To protect myself, I built a wall around me, a shield that no one could penetrate. Little did anyone know what was happening inside me. I don’t blame them; they didn’t understand. Even my parents didn’t know the turmoil I was going through.

I appeared normal outside, but inside, I was melting. I was a boy privileged by gender, but that privilege was of no use to me. I spent most of my time alone in my room, grappling with feelings of being misunderstood and out of place, being a wallflower.

Looking back, I know that many children go through trauma and pain. But my experience, shaped by undiagnosed ADHD and a rare personality type, was unique. It was a struggle, a journey through unseen challenges. But it was also a journey of resilience, of building walls to protect myself, and of surviving in a world that didn’t meant for me neither understood me.

This is my childhood, a story of struggle and resilience, of being different and surviving. I don’t think I am any special to write this but, for there are many out there who might be going through the same. And to them, I want to say, you are not alone. You are not weak. You are special, and you are strong. And most importantly, you are understood (at least by me)