Women as massive gaping pits of need — and why men willingly enter them
My experiences with women have always been defined by women’s needs. I have never been in a relationship, ever, where a woman approached me and said “what do you need?” Every relationship I’ve ever been in with a woman has begun with me attempting to meet a woman’s needs in order to be near her. Generally these relationships ended in screaming fit of rage and anger by the woman, when finally I gave up trying to meet her vast needs.
So what draws me to those women? Well, as a man, I have needs, too. Specifically, sex, companionship, and family. As I said, I’ve never had anyone interested in meeting any of those needs, so I attempt to meet them, myself, by facilitating relationships with women.
Normally, a relationship with a woman can be initiated by fulfilling one of two basic needs women have: (1) positive attention (2) entertainment. There’s also the third possibility — financial needs. Sometimes you just find women who need money, take care of that need, and you are in a relationship.
As a male, my normal relationship-initiation procedure is to spend some time entertaining and flattering a woman. The particular setting isn’t all that relevant. The point is you would find a gap in conversation to initiate contact, and then carefully begin entertaining and flattering her. Eventually, she notices that when you are not around, she is less entertained and flattered. So she starts seeking you out reiciprocally to fulfill her needs.
It’s important to remember that women NEVER seek men out to meet men’s needs. A woman will never say, for example, “I think there are some guys out there who want to get laid … I’m going to go out tonight and see if I can help one of them out.” But they will say “I need to be entertained …. if I go out and look pretty, chances are I will be entertained by some men.” Women, fundamentally, are interested only in their own needs. Men are judged based on how well those men fulfill a woman’s needs.
Men are ALSO interested in their own needs, of course, but since men have to exclusively pursue satisfying their own needs, they learn to become aware and attuned to women’s needs, and attempt to meet them.
Ordinarily, my needs (again, sex, companionship and family) aren’t something she will attempt to affirmatively try to meet, even IF I’m entertaining and flattering her. But if I’m assertive and say things like “I want sex; I want you to be my girlfriend; I want a family” eventually she may start leaning in the direction of being in a more involved relationship sexually, romantically, or even married to you. But you will always be the one who has to take action.
This balance of power occurs because of the dynamics of dating. In order to date, men have to always be aggressors. Ultimately, it is up to the male to initiate all of this. I know women who have never affirmatively taken a man on a date. Have never affirmatively asked a man “will you be my boyfriend?” And of course most women have never asked a man to marry them.
Because men are the ones always striving to meet their own needs, and women’s needs, women generally take men for granted. Thus, when a man leaves a relationship with a woman, she views this as a change, as though he is taking away from her something that is in fact HERS because it just showed up on her doorstep one day.
As a result, breakups with women for me are always a huge mess of extrication. She realizes piece by piece that all the stuff that started just appearing when I was around — from flattery to emotional support to money to engagement rings etc. — is all disappearing. And she blames ME for taking it away. I’m a big nasty thief, destroying the things she believes are hers.
I’ve had property destroyed, been threatened with accusations of sexual and physical assault, and of course been hit, insulted, screamed at, and generally berated as a terrible person, in the course of this process. Women are extremely vicious when you try to extract yourself from the need-pit.
And once the dust has settled, I’m left with my needs again — sex, companionship, family. I could sit around and wait for a woman to say “hey, about those needs you seem to have” … but that will just mean I’ll sit until I die. So it’s back to the grind … find some woman to flatter, entertain, or maybe buy stuff for. Maybe I’ll find a way to meet my needs. It’s hard work.