In Defense of Bi-Phobia
Emma Lindsay

You do seem to have some insight into heterosexual male fears/how males tend to throw up their hands at actual female sexual desire, because who the hell knows how to play to that?

My question would be this: Do you think actual, long-term love is better built on female sexual desire, or on the financial security, stability and certainly of family life?

Because as I see it, the “permanent love” that marriage and family represents is the ultimate goal of mate-seeking. There are two paths to mate-seeking — raw sexual attraction-matching, and a more calculating evaluation of a person’s overall potential as an economic partner.

As a male, I generally feel like I’m almost completely unable to use the latter process in evaluating a mate. I’m constantly bombarded by sexy signals from women (how pretty a woman is, as you have observed, tends to be the way men get to evaluate a mate), but they always keep their cards extremely close to their chests with regard to what else I might be able to count on in a relationship with them. I have to commit first; I have to propose marriage; I have to pay for everything, etc.

Now, if you just want to rut, fuck masturbate, do all the sexy stuff, then sexual attraction is where it’s at. But if you want a permanent relationship, sexual attraction is pretty bad as a long-term indicator since we all get fat and old and we have no idea what we’re going to look like in 20 years.

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