To My Future Boyfriend

I was looking through random photos on Instagram until I came across a particular one. It was a beautiful picture of two lovers who seemed to be celebrating their anniversary. The caption was very sweet and while reading it, I thought “I would love to write such a beautiful message for a man. If I was in love, the words would just flow from my head to my fingers as I typed. But when, oh when, will I get to do this?”

You see, the thing is, most of us don’t want to be in a relationship, just for the sake of being in one. We don’t want the commitment. What we want is the ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts from that one special guy. We want to fall asleep while holding our phones and we want to update someone about how great or horrible our day was. We want someone to hug and cuddle and exchange sweet words with.

Don’t you want someone you can tag in cute photos on social media? Don’t you want to write long messages on Facebook to tell that one person how lucky you are to have them and how you love them so much, despite their imperfections? We want to let those words out. Sometimes, it’s not a relationship we want, but the perks of being in one. It’s not the commitment we long for, but a person we can talk to in the middle of the night.

But who says we have to keep our emotions to ourselves, just because we’re single? I can write those sweet words now.

“Dear future boyfriend,
You might be sleeping right now or doing some crazy stuff with your friends. Or maybe you’re with your current girlfriend and cuddling, while I’m here, thinking about you. I’d like to say that I miss you, or at least that I want to miss you. Maybe a year or ten years from now, we will be on the beach, walking on the sand, feeling the water and enjoying the cold breeze while we watch the sun set.
You’re going to have me by your side, whether you like it or not. I’m not going to let go. I will be patient. I will understand that you will need your own personal space. And don’t worry, I will still let you have your boys’ night out from time to time.
I hope we don’t forget our friends. Let’s give each other plenty of time to hang out with them. They were the ones who were with me while I was waiting for you.
Please bear with me during the times when I want to watch my favorite chick flicks. Read with me. Or hug me while I read. You know how much I love both.
We might get mad at each other, but let’s make up before going to bed. Or if we know we’re just going to fight more, then let’s just sleep through the night and talk about it the next morning. Let’s love each other, as crazily as we want.
There will come a time when you will get tired of me, and I of you, but let’s not give up. Let’s hold on, because I know we can get through it. There may be a time when we will be far away from each other, when we won’t talk for a week or two, but know that I still love you. Please never give up on me when we get old and we get impatient. Remember our love. Remember our joy instead of the many fights that we’ve had.
You will always have me. I will always be in need of you. I love that I love you. I love the feeling of loving you. I doubt that I shall ever get tired of it.
I love you. I feel it on my bones. I hear it in my chest. I palpitate whenever you’re around. I start to have cold sweats. I babble. And that is because I am astounded by your very existence. I love how I love you. Sometimes it’s scary. It’s scary to love someone this much. But whenever you hold my hand, you take away all my fears.
I love you. And I will tell you every single day. I love you.

Originally published at thoughtcatalog.com on August 16, 2016.