The Suicide Note
Thinking About Suicide?
You’re sitting in your room. Door locked, with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper in front of you. Your hand is shaking and the tears begin to fall- for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your note, your suicide note. You try again, start over, but you don’t know where to begin. No one understands you; no one knows what you are going through, you’re alone or, at least, that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody.
It’s night and you slip into bed. ‘Goodbye,’ you whisper into darkness. And with that, you take your last breath and end it all.
NOBODY CARES RIGHT?
It’s Tuesday. It’s 7.21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn’t know that you can’t hear her, she doesn’t know that you are gone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up, when there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses while your dad runs to your room. Your siblings have already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got which is close to nothing to walk over to your bed. She leans over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong but the tears escape his eyes, calling an Ambulance with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said ‘No’ to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long.
NOBODY CARES, RIGHT?
There’s a knock on your classroom door, it’s the school principal. She looks more worried than ever. What’s going on? She announces that you had taken your own life. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself. The teacher is blaming herself for all those times she had scolded you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did.
STILL NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU, RIGHT?
Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone, forever. Your little sister no matter how many times she’s screamed at you and told you she hated you and stole your stuff- always loved you, and saw you as her hero, her role model. She now starts to blame herself, why didn’t I do what she told me to do? why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home. The boy that never cries, he’s now in his room, mad at himself — he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things, he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone.Forever.
Still think you have no one to talk to ?
It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother was sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries every day still waiting for you to come back. The popular girl has now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain. Your father has depression, your mother has become an insomniac. She thinks it’s all her fault. She’s been crying every night wishing for you to come back. Those girls that used to call you ugly, they don’t smile anymore.
Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now, never.
It’s your funeral. It’s a big one. Everybody comes. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone, you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you.They all wish you’d come back but you don’t and you won’t
Still think nobody cares about you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today or any other day you won’t know just how much you meant to people. Suicide is the easy way out- but it’s the wrong choice. Life has its ups and downs, everyone has had their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their life like you’re probably going through now but remember, this too shall pass.
You might not see the light, at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life.
Take a minute now, and think, isn’t there absolutely nothing you can do about your situation ? Is it really that bad ? Isn’t there anyone who can help you ? Does it really have to end this way ? No. #LifeIsNotOverYet or as they say in hindi, Zindagi Abhi Baaki Hai, mere dost :)
Zindagi Abhi Baaki Hai, is a film based on suicide which tells us what goes on in the mind of the person before they take that final leap. Go follow us on facebook, twitter and instagram to know more about this film, and don’t forget to like & share!
-This article was written by Priyanca Yadav