A.J. Kay
A.J. Kay
Sep 5, 2018 · 1 min read

I had the opposite experience. After my divorce, I dated. A lot. My dance card was perpetually full. I thought I was “fufilled”, but really I was just bouncing like a ping pong ball from one okay-Ish man to another to fill the space in my bed and salve my need to be wanted. When one wasn’t available, another could slide into his spot. I stayed busy and felt attractive, but I wasn’t fulfilled.

It did help me figure out what I wanted, but the relationships themselves were unsatisfactory without all of the background noise.

Granted, I never had “relationship goals”, so maybe that’s key. I can see where focusing less on the endpoint can help if you’re not trying to smush every round peg into a square hole and not obsessing over “getting a guy”…any guy. Thats a move forward.

This sounds to me like a step forward In the process of figuring out what you want. And that’s a valuable endeavor.

I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am now (which is pretty incredible personal growth with an pretty incredible man holding my hand, leading the way) if I hadn’t dated that way, but I wouldn’t do it again. It served its purpose.

I now know what I want and don’t have the energy to waste on men who don’t meet my needs. I’d rather be doing important things.

    A.J. Kay

    Written by

    A.J. Kay

    Mama, writer, lover, fighter — Convinced I wouldn’t have to wear my heart on my sleeve if my pants had more pockets. Ajkaywriter@gmail.com