Thank You, Little Brother for Being the Bigger Person

An open letter about forgiveness, commitment, and the will to bounce back

My favorite ice-breaker question is, “Do you have any siblings?” There is no single question other than “What is your family dynamic like?” that will get me on a long journey to explaining the intricacies of having siblings, kind of. That one single question can turn any interview-like date into a beautiful starter conversation.

And it did.

I had about a fifteen minute car ride with Kenny, the Nigerian Brit I met several days into my Southeast Asia trip. He followed up a conversation about his twin brother by asking the one question I always gear up for.

My answer is always wrong. I even chuckle a bit, as if I’m thinking about how to answer it properly, but I say the same thing, every time.

“I am an only child, kind of.

What always follows is the story about my ten siblings… the one step-brother from my mother’s first marriage, the five step-siblings from my mother’s current husband, my three cousins with whom I practically shared the same home and, the most important young person in my life, Malik David.

So here it is. What any young man would need to hear from the sister that is at the other end of their uncertain relationship. The following is an open thank you letter to Malik. A “thank you” for teaching me about commitment, showing me the importance of forgiveness and helping me bounce back in every aspect of life.

Commitment

I had gone too many years too long without speaking to you. This was not without guilt, but certainly without enough will to change it. I had a lot of excuses. By the time I was old enough to take matters in my own hands,

I was away at school.
I didn’t know if you’d like me.
I didn’t know what we’d talk about.
I didn’t know if you even wanted a sister.

They were all excuses; therefore, they were weak. On October 7th of last year, I received a FaceTime call and your name popped up. I remember answering, “Leek!” and your reply, “Sis!” We spoke for at least an hour. We hung up. I reflected. I cried. I called my mother. I got myself together. Rinsed and repeated.

In that moment, I realized a lot. Selfishly, my first thought to myself was, “How dare you allow your little brother to be the bigger person.” I came down on myself. Hard. You deserve a sister who will be committed to you and it is not your responsibility to make me see that.

But you did and I am grateful.

I need you to know that you taught me that my relationships with people cannot be the latest fad diet. You, in your youth, in the midst of a drastic setting change (yaasss, Buff), you deserve someone that is not “sometimes.” My relationship with Dad should have taught me that; I guess I needed you to take his place.

You have taught me commitment to a higher degree than just our relationship. You’ve taught me commitment to any and everything that may better me.

My commitment to relationships.
My commitment to health.
My commitment to work ethic.
And my commitment to self, which must come first, you next, and all else will follow.

Forgiveness

this is my sorry for…200- ya know what, you were 5 and don’t even know that song

I have gone to church to learn how to forgive. I have gone to counseling to learn how to forgive. Neither have given me what you have. At church and in counseling, I was trying to learn how to forgive someone, but in our relationship, the shoe was on the other foot.

You never got frustrated with me. You never cursed me out. Yelled at me. Been visibly angry toward me. Everything I have ever done, with malice, to Dad, would have been justified toward me from you. This is where we differ. I know that I have not been what I need to be for you because of ME, not because of you and I have learned that about my relationships with others. It is easier to forgive when understanding that the flaw lies within the other person. Your openness toward me has shown me the purest form of forgiveness and I love you for it.

The Bounce Back

…no big Sean

The most important lesson that I have learned from you, which gives value to all of the others, is that it is never too late. I made the mistake at 18-years-old thinking that I couldn’t just jump into your life. Hell, at 23, this is my first time realizing how much effort re-developing a relationship can be. But you made me feel like I matter. You made me feel like no matter how many years it has been or how many times I fail, I can still bounce back. You reminded me that in the final quarter of my early 20’s, I am still young and can always take matters into my own hands.

There are a couple of things I hope you take away from this. For one, I hope commitment, forgiveness and the will to bounce back remains imbedded in your nature.

You owe all of these things to yourself.

Equally as important, if ever a personal relationship makes you question how committed you are, your strength, or your resilience, I will always be here to remind you.

I owe that to you.

)
Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade