Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Work Here — Mop Swingers: Episode 9.

The continuing true story of mop swinging brothers, Adam and Peter, trying to make it in the movie business.

Shift: 1478

Motor city weather plays on the radio. It doesn’t sound good. Partly cloudy tomorrow, a high of 2.

Peter says, “I stumbled upon that weird article about me, back when I was a PA. That was like something from a Polanski movie. Remember that? It was like a weird PA website. It had box office algorithms. They were like, Young Peter is rising high, working on Transformer movies.”

Adam says, “What dark forces could be responsible for that one?”

Peter says, “There has got to be like, a whole guild dedicated to keeping us down.”

Peter grabs a bag full of mop heads from the trunk and throws it at Adam. He isn’t paying attention, and it hits him in the testicles. The pain is so great, that it forces him to vomit. Cars drive by on the lonely strip of Mack, laughing and honking their horns.

Peter says, “My bad. I didn’t know you had your head in the clouds.”

Adam collects himself. He picks up the bag. “Don’t worry. Should of had my head on a swivel.”

The lot is empty except for a cop sleeping in his car.

Peters takes the vacuums out of the trunk.

Peter says, “This one is feeling a bit fat.”

Adam says, “Time to change that bag?”

Peter says, “You got it. Any extra?”

Adam says, “You know I keep extra bags on deck.”

Much like the anti-hero of Le Samurai, Peter takes out a key chain that seems to have a hundred keys on it. Instantly, the cursed alarm starts blaring. He has to run across the lobby to the alarm mechanism. He pushes in the code. It doesn’t work. He puts the code in again. It doesn’t work. He puts it in yet one more time. The alarm keeps going. Yet once more, Adam presses the code. It works. The mop swingers breath a sigh of relief.

Adam says, “I was looking into LA stuff today. And this one thing said if you’re trying to move there on a budget, you would be a Philistine to not sublet a place. They said there are a lot of places for only like four hundred a month, and it already has all the stuff in it.”

Peter says, “Looking for the big exodus?”

Adam says, “I’m not going to die in this place.”