At a younger age, those dreaded teen years I was convinced that there were things wrong with me. Dark things rooted themselves in my mind and the people I surrounded myself with suffered the same. At that time I think a lot of kids just called this “emo.”
I was attending a private school that revolved around philosophy and free thinking, debate and intelligent conversation. I never wanted to admit that maybe there was something wrong with me, I didn’t want to talk to a counselor, which I had done before when my parents decided fight over me.
I wanted to be my own help. My mom and my older brother had always told me to suck it up when I was hurt, this was just a different kind of hurt, so I was going to suck it up.
The people I surrounded myself with didn’t suck it up. They let this darkness surround them and consume them into making bad choices. When I offered them advice, they replied with “nothing can help.”
They were wrong.
Those who cannot help themselves cannot be helped by others.
Once I realized this pattern of “help me — but I can’t be helped” I decided that, there was no darkness. They want attention. I wanted attention, teenagers just want attention. So I stopped. I stopped letting myself think that there was anything wrong with me, I stopped giving those people advice, I stopped talking to them and stopped indulging their need for teenager depressed attention. I cut them out. I quit cold turkey.
I had only quit after a few regretful events. Some sexual harassment included.
It takes a strong person to realize that they put themselves in a hole and figure out how to get out of the hole, but all people are able to be strong, it’s whether or not that choose to be strong.
Being an angsty teen will put you in a lot of holes, climb out and find another. I fell into a few holes all the way until I was 20.
When I saw my best friend get so completely drunk at a party and some guy pick her up and walk away with her to rape her in the bathroom I realized that I can’t allow myself to be in a hole anymore. I didn’t like the people who enjoyed losing themselves to things like alcohol. I wasn’t going to let myself fall into that endless hole of parties. So I cut her out of my life. I cut parties out of my life. I cut drinking out of my life. To the point where my brain has a panic attack when I get too drunk.
It occurred to me that maybe not all people have this strength of just deciding to quit something like drinking, smoking, weed, parties, depression and just walk away like it never happened.
I’ve never understood why the people around me don’t have this same sense of strength. It’s mind of matter, the things I do like drinking, I refuse to allow it to enter my brain and take control. I control my own mind and that was that. I wanted to stop this mindless childlike behavior and be an adult.
And that was the point. I wanted to be an adult, I wanted to have control over my life and the people in it, the things in it, what I did and who I wanted to be.
And now at 25, I call the shots. I look at my friends who I left behind and they’re still climbing and falling in and out of holes that they dig themselves. This is a life without drama, I refuse to let it control me. I let go of caring about those things and it was so incredibly easy for me.
I have no pity for people who complain that they can’t get their shit together because it’s mind over matter, you make your own choices and if you can’t stop and look at what you’re doing I will not waste my time on you.
Don’t let things that aren’t worth your life waste your time.
To me this is what makes a real adult, taking responsibility for yourself. However, I am clueless as to why some people just can’t get that. It’s like Bilbo climbing to the top of the trees to breath fresh air and realizing that they had been sucked into the darkness of the forest.
I’m always confused when I see people stuck in a hole, it confuses them and clouds their judgement. Girls who get so enveloped by this whole “feminism” thing and people who get blurred with politics. They spread fake news and don’t stop and do the research. They live in a haze and it makes me laugh because I can see it and they can’t.
Life is simple, embrace the simplicity of it, not consumed by man made ideals. It is literally the art of stopping to smell the flowers.
I think you get my point by now. Watch your step, you wouldn’t want to fall into a hole.