How My Disability Helped Me Thrive at UC Berkeley Computer Science
The Top Computer Science Program in the World
This is not a typical #WomenInTech story, even though it may have some of the familiar themes. My path to Computer Science has been everything but typical. In August 2014, during my junior year, I was diagnosed with Chronic Depressive Disorder. I had only two more prerequisite courses left to declare Computer Science, but after struggling to decide whether I should withdraw to focus on my mental health or stay in school, I decided to take a break from completing the prerequisites, in which I had to do well to declare, and complete upper division and graduate courses in Computer Science instead. With the implementation of the 3.0 GPA cap (the average GPA being a 2.7), I was scared I would not make it into the major.
I came to Cal wanting to major in Psychology. Computer Science was never a path I saw myself going towards. For a brief period I taught myself HTML & CSS (thanks to Neopets) during middle school, and had always wanted to take a CS course in high school, but never took the leap.
I took the leap and enrolled in CS10 during spring 2013 in my freshman year, which is where I learned that Computer Science was my calling :). But the same time I decided to pursue the major, was the same time when the GPA cap was implemented. So although many of my peers (my year) were lucky and did not have to worry about getting above the GPA cap to declare Computer Science, I had to. I’ve always identified as more of a creative, right-brained thinker. Computer Science didn’t come naturally to me, and I struggled a lot to keep up with the coursework, especially when I had a serious health condition that impacted my coursework that I didn’t know about until my junior year. The constant feelings of inadequacy, the constant questioning of my intelligence, and whether I was good enough — that didn’t discourage me, because I became addicted to the mental challenge. I wanted to prove that I could do it, and that I was worthy of my major. So, most of my undergraduate career became about me proving that I was good enough / smart enough / worthy enough. And you know what, I am! I am good enough, smart enough, and worthy enough. I am ENOUGH.
During my sophomore year, in spring 2014, I became a research assistant for Professor Dan Garcia, and assisted graduate students under Professor Eric Paulos with their research. My first internship was the following summer with the Hasso Plattner Projects Team for the Office of the CTO at SAP Labs, where I was a Research and Development Intern. In August 2014, the same month I was diagnosed with my disorder, I became Project Manager of Professor Dan Garcia’s research project, in which I managed seven technical projects and worked with over 30 engineers. That same month, I started working on a research project under Eric Paulos with the potential to become co-author had I finished the project, but due to the toll the load was taking on my mental health, I had to leave the project the following semester. (However, I am in the acknowledgements of this paper accepted to ACM Creativity & Cognition 2015.) In December 2014, I founded Tequity, of which I have since led as President, an organization that focuses on promoting inclusion within the tech community at Cal. During summer 2015, I interned for Apple as a Hardware Engineering Program Management Intern, where I worked on projects including Touch ID.
My disability didn’t prevent me from pursuing my dream. It pushed me to persevere and get the major I wanted. I refused to succumb to depression and my inner fears of not being good enough, so I kept fighting for my dream. It’s been a very difficult path, especially knowing that I often had to put in more time than my peers. What kept me going was achieving that goal. I was a Computer Science major in every way except for actually having the major.
After taking a long break from the pre-reqs, failing one of them (one of my professors failed a third of the class), I FINALLY declared Computer Science this January, yes, in the last semester of my undergraduate career! And I’m so proud and happy to say that I am graduating on time, from the top Computer Science program at the top public school in the world! :)
I’m super elated to share that I’ve won the Eugene L. Lawler EECS Student Award! I was selected to receive this honor as “a computer science undergraduate or reentry student from a disadvantaged group or who has surmounted unusual difficulties in pursuing a degree and has demonstrated academic effort.”
IMMENSE LOVE for Christopher Hunn, my major advisor, for being my support system for literally everything, for the countless hours I have cried in your office hours, for being there for me even when I would obsessively show up to your office at least once a week sophomore year, for being one of the kindest and most passionate people I know. I truly could not have done this without you; the CS Department would be lost without you.
Thank you to the countless friends and project partners I’ve made through the years, who’ve kept me sane, and who I’ve shared wonderful memories with.
