Ivana Knezevic

Getting Realer!

Dearest sis, I’d say it, quoting Tre here, hit me like a ton of bricks, to whom I replied as I’m quoting here again: I had it all the time, realized just now!

Now that you mentioned it, I realized, and do strongly agree with you, about the spending of my times in a very Princely fashion, to the every sense of the phrase. I am so grateful to my parents, family, that I know I never in my life would be able to pay them back, for all that I owe to them, for what they have done for me, for tolerating my all-time-whining-and-selfish ass, and no doubt for the extent of limits they’ll reach if ever required just to see me happy. All the luxury that I’ve been provided with, and me taking it all for granted, always complaining of one thing or another, neglecting what I already had which millions around the world would give their life for: education, liberty, a family, love (in all senses of the word), the list will go on, and on. And I took it all for fucking granted! What an amateur. I have no idea what to say ahead; write an apology, maybe cry for a while, go and hug my mum and dad. I wish that from now on I may write my ‘story’ a bit differently, a bit better…like those Japanese people: you know they are sooooo humble, and mannered, thanking for every single thing, every single moment of their life. We Moslem bow for prayer five times a day, they bow to every other person, as a show of gratitude, or/and apology God knows, hundred times per day!

On an another note Ivana, sis, I know how hard it’s for you to leave your favorite playground, as is for all of us…I know how you struggle to get those chores done, to snatch sleep in-between, and yet have time to read our stuff; I’m grateful for that too, as I’m of my family, and bro, who allow me to have my time of liking, and who tolerated me in my lows. I’m grateful to this malady which didn’t allow me to move much for last three months, restricting to my bed, at most to the bounds of my home, such that I had so much free time doing what I love…as you said once, that I do clearly recall, a lesson for life: patience. That’s what it taught me! I’m thankful to that fucking, good-for-nothing, D. Trump, because of whom I didn’t chose San Francisco, or for that matter any part of the States for my undergrad; that lady from the bank who denied the sanction of my education loan cause of which I am not in Alberta right now. All these, and much more that led me to Medium, to numerous kind and interesting and global and all unique on their own people that I met in this community that’s spread over the continents, and a home without the walls, to a younger sister of mine from Amsterdam whose heart’s here with me all the way in India, a green family, and many other things that I’m not even aware of, but influence us all nonetheless.
 Grateful, and alive.

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