Akila Sridhar
Aug 31, 2018 · 3 min read

#16 How does it play out;

Let me in on that secret if you could.

-Akila Sridhar

Would you even remember all the moments we shared? Do you recollect all the times we had together? Do you even recall the times I was in your arms and I had you lay in mine?

Is it just me or is this for real?

Are you aware of all the over-thinking I’ve done or the permutations I’ve drawn?

Are you here to stay or just awake me from the numb fall I’ve gotten myself into?

Am I scared of you or is this a pressing need to impress you? Is it evident or some clue for you to remain ignorant of?

While my brain is filled with hypothetical scenarios and events that have almost no probability of happening, how does the silence sound in yours?

I’ve always envied your selfishness for it’s not easy to come by- I enjoy it even. I am entertained by people who ferociously protect themselves with goodness in their heart unknown and unaware of others around. Does it sound like a meditation hall or examination hall- in your head? Is it all quiet and no disturbance or filled with fears and commotions I’m unaware of? Do you day dream? Do you think about me? Do you fill your head with stories that won’t turn out the way imagined in a 100 years? Am I in your thoughts as more than a passer by? I wonder how it must all feel to you, the calm before the storm or after a hurricane. I envy your limited attention span allocated to others- I find it funny for I’m the complete opposite. I sure do enjoy my own company but, I can not cease from searching for you in a crowd or your muffled giggles or nod of approval- I’ve tried, trust me. I was only left with a strained neck and a bruised ego. I long for you and I wait for you. I’m a lost puppy without you and at loss of words with you. I wonder how all this must sound to you, in your head, in your tiny tiny head filled with sports news and ancient history on repeat telecast.

I’ve always wanted to ask you- do you remember every detail of her or are you only hung up on the idea of her?

I know I ask for a reason for closure how I know this’ll open more wounds than before. I know I pretend to want the truth but I want to feel special in your life. I know I hide behind friendship but I’m merely a coward too insecure in her own skin to stand upto your expectations. I know I ask for a reason to move on, but I beg for you to ask me to stay. In the end, I know I ask to get over you, but I can not wait to stop pretending. Mate, I’ve never expected anything from you, I never wanted to change you, I cherish the way you are built and the battles you’ve had your way or the lack of it- I Only ask for you to See me for real and hold me for the times to come. I ask for you to be and not let me search or leave with any other soul. Give me a reason to stay. Give me a reason to not go through this all over again. Give me a reason to end my search here and with you. Give me a chance to be your reason.

Can you hear these words? I wonder How they play out in the tiny little head of yours.

Akila Sridhar

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The one with fiction, ambition and bag full of distractions . Tune in for a handful of pieces on Romance!