Reality and Self Esteem

The search for self esteem have become a need in our days. The problem is that a lot of propaganda have been made about this theme. False propaganda. In my office is common to work with people which notion of a good self esteem is to be beautiful, rich or rude to other people.

But there are other myths about self esteem that refers to those who “have” it. It is believed that a high self esteem is something that give to the person some “special powers”, like don´t feel sadness, to never feel frustration or need to take a break of daily life.

All of these notions are not true. Self esteem is not based on external values like beauty or richness it also doesn´t give us special powers. This characteristic is, in fact, a result and not a cause. In other words is like gym: you become more strong after going there and not before.

One of the most important source of a true self esteem is reality. There is no self esteem without reality. Those who have a it are eternal practitioners, everything that conduces us to a good self esteem is a exercise that need to be constantly practiced. But how to practice reality?

Acceptance is the key to this problem. It is at the same time the most easy and difficult thing to do. To accept something all you need to do is perceive that. Acceptance is no more that assume value of existence to something. When something exists is when you can act on that. If you doesn´t accept you can´t see, if you can´t see can´t do nothing.

So reality comes when we accept what there is and not what we want to see (or not to see). That is the main challenge. Often people tend to fight against their perception when it is not what they expected. To open hand of what we want and see what there is becomes an obstacle to accept reality.

Reality is not always what we want but is the best starting point. Why? Because is real. Reality is where we live so it is where we can do things. Our present state represents our best at the moment. If we can´t recognize that self esteem will not be possible.

To acknowledge that is perceive our best attempts and the skills we already have. Learn to love that is the first step to build a real self esteem. We also can recognize our defects and love ourselves just like that. Why? Because that is the true, that is reality.

Those who doesn´t are always running after their own charging. They believe that they will have self esteem and love themselves after achieving something. But this starts a cycle that never ends. Why? Because this cycle is based on fantasy not reality. The person becomes in love by a image of what she can be and not of what she is.

So reality is always the starting point to self esteem. To accept what we have on good and bad is the most important thing. Love that is the second thing. Changing it becomes, after that, a matter of choice not destiny.