A threesome with ambiguity.

March 2014

I’m just now recognizing that there’s been a third party involved in my past 4 relationships, and I’m choosing to kick it to the curb.
It’s disguised itself as sovereignty, freedom, possibility, and even love itself.
The facade was so seductive that it repeatedly lured myself and my partners into union and agreement with it.

Let me clarify — 
I believe in romantic relationship that welcomes all attractive forces in life — it’s naive to expect just one person to provide ALL aspects of love. 
What I’m slaying in myself is the honoring of that ‘attractive force’ as an open side door in my relationships. 
I’m choosing a powerful, decisive love that is not afraid to shut that door and make a public declaration and commitment to a lover. Even if the relationship is to last a short moment in time, I will choose fully in that moment, and I would love for her to do the same.

I feel like I’m threading a needle in making this distinction, but it’s a big one for me so I am putting it out here as a diamond in the rough.

Today I’m saying so long to ambiguity and the role it’s played in my past few relationships. I clearly see how my particular stand for ’sovereignty’ was in fact limiting my full experience of love.

From this point on, I no longer choose to be partially in love & devotion — and open myself to what might be my first true relationship when it comes. It may surprise me, it may knock me flat on my face, but it will be a fully exposed, all in, and truly liberated love.

*A year after sharing this post on facebook I entered a relationship with my truest soulmate, now Mother of our son, and future wife for life.

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