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just another Landmark Forum review

Last weekend I participated in the Landmark Forum, a 3 day workshop designed to “powerfully impact the areas of life that are important to you.”
My initial post about registering generated over 40 comments — mostly praise, and some slander. Coming out on the other side of it, a few things have come into clarity, and I’m going to share the most valuable and vulnerable insights I had.

The major results of my experience were
-I healed wounds from the past that I had swept under the rug
-I discovered the places where I’ve been inauthentic
-I realized I had joined a cult
-I experienced a life changing transformation

Now, the funny thing is that I had already done this before.
I’ve had profound, cathartic conversations with family members, cleared myself of shame, shined light into shadow behavior, healed past love relationships, and realized my infinite potential. Once, I even flew.
One of the most sobering lessons I received this past weekend was that, while I had made these important accomplishments ‘within’ — through meditation, ceremony, and spirituality — the ‘work’ remained in those realms. 
I had not once picked up the phone or sat down to have a truly powerful conversation that actually produced those beautiful miracles face to face.
Don’t worry, my spirituality and values remain exactly where they were before the forum. It’s their integrity that has completely shifted.

I’ve been in a swirl of transformation for the past 5 years — living and breathing consciousness, intentionality and spirit through my media work. I’m very proud of the work I do, and the community I’m surrounded by. 
And…I realize I’ve been inauthentic.
Until this weekend when I took profoundly effective action towards cleaning up my relationships, I was doing many things to simply look good, feel good, and role model my highest self.

The truth I discovered was that my identity was not authentic in the way a single drop of ink can cloud a 10 gallon tank of water. The way one tooth of a key can make the difference between it working or not. 
Minor things no one may ever judge — things anyone can live with — things that are all part of the divine path of learning and living…right?
Yet, over the course of a weekend, suddenly these minor things mattered to me. I could finally hear them. And they were screaming.
The cult I discovered myself to be in, was a reality where people fall short of their fullest potential — by settling for less. I have been in this cult for most of my adult life.

So I took action — and had some of the most meaningful conversations I ever thought possible — with my parents, my younger brother, friends and ex girlfriends. 
My Dad and I transformed a relationship steeped in practicality and approval into a new one based on love. We cried together for the first time. 
My brother and I found the moment in our lives where our relationship became disconnected.
I learned so much more about my Mom than I had ever given her credit for. 
My parents then acknowledged all the walls they had built between each other….and they’ve been married for 35 years.

It was the work in the forum that showed me it was not about trying to change them or myself (whoops). It was a shift in perspective, an understanding of language, a belief in possibility…and a lot of courage from everyone.
What I gained for myself was a perspective of what really matters to me and my life. To see my blood family truly connected has given me faith in my intentions to create community and a family of my own.

As a member of a tribe that pride ourselves on self growth, being authentic, intentional, conscious, and evolutionary — I now feel I’ve begun to do the real work — the life work — the real soul bare — the kind that takes applied courage, generosity and humility. Not just the presentation of it. Now I can truly stand behind the beauty I choose to create in the world.
I hope that this touches, moves and inspires you, however unique your story may be.

With love,

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