The Dying Art of Listening
“It was a rough week. All I want is to have a relaxed weekend. It all started with..”
“Well, same here. I have planned for a weekend getaway.”
“Oh that’s nice. Where is..?”
“Well it’s a small town 100 km from the city. I’ll share a travel blog with you for more information.”
“Alrig..”
“Cool then.”
Sounds familiar?
“You never listen” is not just the complaint of a problematic relationship, it has also become an epidemic in a world that is exchanging convenience for content and speed for meaning. Ironically, the world we live in gives a greater emphasis on listening which is practised minimally.
The Art of Listening
What is it not?
Listening to not nodding your head in approval.
Listening is not giving blank stares and processing the next possible reply in your head.
Listening is not having a preconceived notion about the discussion and holding judgements.
Listening is not interrupting someone’s flow with an assumption that you have “got” the point.
Listening and Gender Associations
“Women are good listeners. Men are good problem-solvers.”
NO. It doesn’t matter if you reference biology or evolutionary psychology, I don’t buy the idea that it’s a gendered thing. It’s important for each us to build both the skills and know when and how to use it. I personally know some men who are fantastic listeners/empathisers and some women who prefer to problem-solve.
It’s really an individual thing. And some men and women will project those gender stereotypes into themselves in a way men will consider themselves problem-solvers and women will consider themselves to be good listeners but often their perceptions of their own skills/tendencies are really inaccurate.
Listening in today’s Multicultural Workplace
“Listening across cultures can sometimes be the most challenging communication skill to learn. But the less foreign it is, the less volatile — and the more successful — a workplace will be.”
There are times at our workplace when we may have to deal with conflict. Although we may not always agree with others’ opinions, it’s important for us to be open to different perspectives through active listening.
If both the parties feel that their stance is clearly understood, then the resolution is likely to be longer lasting. This will also encourage employees to speak regularly and openly about conflict instead of holding silent disagreements, resulting in a more transparent workplace.
Alright, then what does it mean to be a Listener?
A good listener…
- creates a safe environment in which complex or emotional issues can be discussed.
- clears away gadgets or other distractions and pays sole attention to the other person, by making an eye contact if the conversation is not virtual.
- believes in understanding the substance of other person’s perspective by asking questions, and restating issues to confirm if their understanding is correct.
- empathises with, and validates the other person’s feelings in a supportive, nonjudgmental way but is not “content seduced”.
- does not hesitate to offer alternate viewpoints that could help the other person expand their thought process.
Certainly, listening is not a skill that could be developed overnight. It needs practice, patience, careful attention and the intent to actually “listen”.
If you agree with me, well, then you have unlocked Level 0 in the Spiritual game of Consciousness. ;)
