Listicles I Plan to Post Exclusively on Facebook

5 Potentially Deadly Illnesses I Have Right Now That I Can’t Tell You About, Erika!

7 Inspirational Quotes to Post As Your Status That Are Really Cleverly Disguised Sick Burns On Your Ex-Girlfriend Debbie Even Though She Unfollowed You 3 Months Ago, Steve!

8 Fun Things to Do With Your Cats Instead of Posting 2 Billion Pictures of Them, Janice!

6 Conspiracy Theories About Hillary Clinton That Only You and Sean Hannity Believe, Dan!

10 Things I Hate About You, YES YOU!!

27 Pictures of the Hotel We Stayed In During My Family Vacation That Prove I’m Way Richer Than You, Mackenzie!

1 Reason Why FarmVille is Stupid and No One Has Played It Since Like 2010, Terrance!

9 Parenting Tips That Seem Pretty Generic But I’m Posting Them Because Your Kids Were At My House Yesterday, Jerome, and They Are a Fucking Disaster!

11 Pictures of Me Sitting On the Couch Fully Clothed Instead of at the Gym With My Shirt Off, Brian!

13 Random Meghan Trainor Song Lyrics to Post As Your Status That Are Supposed to Be Mysteriously Meaningful or Whatever So I Can Not Give a Shit About Them, Erin!

21 Pictures of the Meals I’ve Eaten This Week None of Which Are Attractive, Wholesome, or Locally Sourced and Yes, Caroline, I Really Do Eat That!

107 Of Your 90s Pop Punk Cover Band Concerts That I Will Not Be Attending No Matter How Many Event Invitations You Send Me, David!