The Secret Formula for Building Trust? Just Ask.

Dateline: A Drizzly Monday

I was running 5 minutes behind schedule, frantically searching for my keys and hoping I wouldn’t make my daughter late for school. Thinking I needed a little wiper fluid to clear the windshield, I flipped the switch. Nothing happened. I had just filled the tank, so I knew that wasn’t the problem. There was just enough drizzle to clear the windshield, so I dropped my daughter off in time and arrived safely to work, where I immediately called my mechanic. With phones ringing loudly in the background, a harried new service manager explained that it was most likely a burnt-out wiper fluid motor that would take several days to replace, at a hefty sum. I had always had good experiences with the shop before, but I felt uneasy as I booked my appointment.

Anxious to stay safe on the road, I decided to call a distant mechanic friend for a second opinion. He asked me to test a few basic functions and observed that weather had just turned cool in my neck of the woods, where all manner of critters like to find warmth under accommodating hoods. He diagnosed the problem as an industrious mouse making a snack of the wiper fluid hose. I updated my regular mechanic with my new information, kept my scheduled appointment, and was back in business the next day.

Not everyone has the good fortune of having a trusted friend to give expert advice, but we can nurture the kinds of relationships and conditions that make for better outcomes.

Crossing Our Fingers and Hoping for the Best

It’s uncomfortable when we feel we’re at a disadvantage. Sure, I can jump a dead battery and change a flat tire, but beyond that, I don’t know my carburetor from my catalytic converter; that’s why it’s so important for me to feel I can trust in my mechanic to look out for my best interests when I have a problem with my car. But how can I develop that trust if I don’t know what I don’t know? Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best hasn’t always done the trick.

What Do We Really Want When We “Hope for the Best”?

Whether in our personal lives or in business, we approach every relationship with both hopes and expectations. As the founder of an IT and management consulting firm, the most common complaint I hear from executives seeking our services is that their previous providers didn’t listen, and as a result did not deliver according to expectations. From software that may technically function but does not solve the business dilemma at hand, to budgets and timelines that mushroom far beyond anticipated limits, a common pattern emerges: failure to communicate + violated expectations = poor outcomes. Relationships suffer, or may end entirely; financial investments are diminished; institutional knowledge is squandered; cynicism grows; and innovation slows to a snail’s pace.

Embedded in our hopes for the best are expectations that too often go unexpressed, and questions that too often go unasked. When faced with a problem, we instinctively seek expertise to help us solve it. But what makes one expert better than another? Why do some experts make us feel uneasy while others instill confidence, even when we don’t have the knowledge to gauge their expertise?

In order to expect the best from our “experts” (not just hope for it), we should ask:

• What do I want them to help me achieve?
• When I speak, are they listening? If they heard me, do they understand?
• How can I know if they are fair and trustworthy before I risk my valuable time and resources?

Raising the Bar

We can improve outcomes by raising the bar — for ourselves and for those we depend upon to help us. That means doing our own due diligence, including:

1. Before seeking solutions, think about your goals and your outcomes, and be prepared to explain them. Had I thought about my goals and outcomes before calling my mechanic, I would have been prepared to explain that I was concerned for my immediate safety (goal: safety) and asked whether he could assess my car in person, immediately (outcome: a speedy fix). He would likely have seen the damaged hose right away and fixed the problem on the spot, or advised me to call someone else who could get me in right away.
2. Listen for good listening. When you speak, does the other party reflect back what they’ve heard and confirm a shared understanding of the problem? Do they address the concerns you’ve expressed and make sure they’ve answered you, or do they seem to just be waiting impatiently to tell you what they want to say? My uneasiness with the initial diagnosis of my car’s problem was not because I doubted my mechanic’s expertise, but because he seemed distracted and jumped to an immediate conclusion rather than ask any questions or confirm his understanding of the problem. I felt excluded from the process, unsure if my investment of time and money was truly necessary.
3. Anticipate fairness, but expect transparency. When we attribute the poor outcomes of the past solely to ill will or lack of skill, we are more likely to reject our own contributions to those situations and, even in new situations with other players, direct our energies to finding fault instead of finding solutions. Much of what happens next will depend on your ability to examine and improve your own approach, in addition to clarifying your expectations of the other party. Had I blown up at my mechanic, assuming he had given me bad advice just to make a few extra dollars, I would not have been able to bring my car in for the quick fix that was my desired outcome. I resolved to be clearer about my goals and desired outcomes in the future, including asking about alternative causes and remote diagnostic testing whenever possible.

Build Consumer and Employee Trust by Measuring What Matters Most

Famed management thinker Peter Drucker said “If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it.” Rarely has a management maxim been so pervasive and influential, despite a plethora of fair and nuanced criticism. While no single measure can capture the contextual complexity of even the most basic business dilemma, conceptualizing goals, setting intentions for positive, future-focused outcomes, and defining measures to achieve those outcomes become the action items that move change forward. When interests go unidentified, unmeasured, unanalyzed, and unrefined, positive, inclusive outcomes are rarely realized.

As anyone who has ever tried to get more organized, lose a few pounds, or train for a marathon knows, measuring what matters is one of the surest ways to reach your goals.

Start Here

To learn more about how to measure what matters most, visit B Lab®’s free B-Impact Assessment, where more than 43,000 businesses — including 2,600 Certified Benefit Corporations® — set progressive goals for continuous improvement and purpose-driven success.

Aimee Koval is President and COO of Metis Consulting Group, a New York-based IT and management consulting firm, Certified B Corporation®, and 2018 Best for the World ChangeMaker.