19. Comfortable People are Difficult to Control

Dear Kids,

I’m going to leave this right here for the day you’ll find it useful. Even though your childhood has been pretty awesome, you’ve had to grow up with my depression and anxiety for most of it. I’m really sorry that you’ve noticed that “mommy doesn’t play with us”. I want to. I’m trying everyday to improve but it’s taking awhile. Thankfully, your dad is twice as playful as your average adult. We’re lucky to have him on the team.

You need to know that mental illness appears on both sides of your DNA. Chances are high that it will affect your future. If there’s any silver lining to my illness, it might be that you’ll have my experience to help you. I’ve got journals full of what helped and what didn’t.

For now, here’s the number one thing that made a difference in my recovery: be your own best friend. It encompasses the compassion and devotion required for emotional healing, and is a simple tool for framing your actions in the most loving and caring light.

Sadly, at age nine and seven, you’re already conditioned to be hard on yourself. You tell me it’s too hard when I remind you that self-compassion is important. Perhaps by putting these words out to the universe, they will find a way to soak into your heart. If nothing else, maybe the good little punks inside you will take interest; the greatest act of rebellion against oppression is to be knowledgeable and comfortable. Comfortable people are difficult to control! So, to recap:

Being your own best friend = Comfort = Power.

Here’s to being comfortable and powerful together!

BFFs forever and ever,

Mom