Picking apart your memories for the crispest of details and the most correct of words to describe them is no small task. It can be emotionally taxing and mentally exhausting, especially if the memories you’re trying to piece back together on paper aren’t particularly pleasant. I have not found any way to make this any easier, as I myself haven’t yet been graced with the distance and clarity needed to parse the details of the bad stuff or the consequences thereof. Instead of flailing helplessly at the idea, however, let’s address what is in my opinion the second biggest block against writing memoir, autobiography, or personal creative nonfiction: Guilt. The blog post “For Pain or Gain: Tips for Writing Meaningful Nonfiction” summed up fairly well the biggest concerns over writing about your personal experiences — what it will do to those involved; what makes you think you, of all the people who’ve had this experience, are qualified to write about it; what will writing this even achieve, anyway?

The social effect of your writing can be huge. In your personal life first, then possibly the world at large if you publish and become successful. If it’s something bad that happened, it could hurt the people who were personally involved. Maybe they’re the person you’re accusing of doing something to you or someone you love, and they’re crying defamation, or they’re a loved one of the accused and maybe one of your loved ones as well, and they’re crying foul also. Maybe they’re your mom, and she wishes you had come to her first. Or ever.

So naturally, how you approach the telling and the sharing of the story is crucial. You’ll want to have a goal in mind: What changes do I want my story to inspire? How do I want to look back on the story, come the end of it, and create a positive and complete message? What do I want this to say to people who’ve also had the same experience, and how can I best explain it to people who never have? Having a clear trajectory for your story and its message will help you understand, and explain, why it is you need to tell this story, despite how the people in your life may be affected by it.

I think the most important goal of any type of personal narrative is to show readers how universal the human emotional experience is, even when the circumstances, the trials and tribulations of each individual, are incredibly different. That we all experience happiness, sadness, regret, fear, forgiveness, and excitement even if we come to those feelings by very different means. Through this, you give people the gift of their mortality and the gift of hope. Appreciating what you have, and knowing that other people have survived and that you can too, can make a huge difference in someone’s life.

The easiest to explain, but the hardest to swallow, is the question of, “What makes me think I, of all the people who’ve had this experience, am qualified to write about it?” The answer is simply that you have had the experience, and you feel compelled to share it. That’s it. You are never going to be the quintessential subject for such-and-such because there is no such thing. Your experience is your own, your response to it is your own, how it changes you is all you. How you use that experience to make a difference in the lives of others is all you, and if you feel driven to do so then you are qualified to write about it.

If you feel these are lofty goals for a writing project about your personal experience, you’re probably right. You don’t have to write it with the goal of changing the world, or the life of anyone else. Maybe you just need to write it out of your system, make it all make sense in the best way you know how. There is nothing wrong with that, either. Just consider the consequences of sharing that raw material with others, because this exercise in healing can easily become a weapon of destruction. Be conscious of how your narrative, your wording, and your sequencing of events could potentially do harm to you or others mentioned; the more eyes you invite into your story, the more you should be concerned with picking apart your memories for the crispest of details and the most correct of words to describe them.