A shot in the dark |Fiction | Joshua Alabi

Joshua Alabi
Nov 5 · 4 min read

Nosa!, Nosa!!, Nosa!!!, Yes, that was my name been cheered onto the podium of St Francis high school for the umpteenth time. I had won the essay competition again as I brought my school the trophy for the regional competition organized by the government every year.

My name is Uruehvhwe Nosa, I was called the Shakespeare of our time, what I lacked in body and height, I made up for in words and intelligence, life had a beautiful way of making you feel inadequate even as you strive to break free. You wanted to win a girl’s heart, I was your “go-to guy” that could weave your heart desires into fruition as my pen breathe life into words, you want to deceive your parent or relatives and swindle them of their money with effusive words, I was the man for the job, you want to insult someone with big words constructed into long essay that will make them weep and wish English never existed, that was my specialty, so much that I grew quite famous, my words travelled where my short legs could not get me to, bringing prefects and students alike to their kneels but I was still a target for bullies regardless of my “oyinbo”.

So when “Dumbmebi” the class bully sent for me, he was my classmate in ss2 but yes he summoned students at will and you dare not refuse. His actual name is Dumebi but the guy was so dumb that every other dumb person in class looked at him with awe but he was the tallest guy in the class with a body that can only be rivalled by Instagram models — broad shoulders, well cut abs, and enough muscle mass to make Superman call him “Chairman”, I could even swear that his lips had muscles too when you looked closely.

I got under the mango tree where he sat with his friends; the mango tree was the equivalent of the principal office where you are called to answer to your crimes. With his gruff voice without any pleasantries, he gave me an ultimatum of three(3) days to write a love letter that would make Sophia swoon in love and say yes to him when he starts to “chyke” her, that was when I knew I had to man up and fight for my right.

You see there is this evil courage love gives you that you don’t have on normal days especially if it is packaged in the body of an Igbo goddess like Sophia. Her hips put to shame the confluence definition of river Niger and Benue as it steeped lower leading to that deep crevice left for only the imagination, a complexion that made wearing sunglasses a survival strategy, a torso that carried the 8th and 9th wonder of the world and a backside that would make an eunuch renounce his faith, yes that was the Sophia I was talking about and yes that was the Sophia I was ready to die for.

With the snap of his fingers, I was pulled from my reverie and dismissed from the council of elders as they awaited result but I planned on doing quite the opposite.

Day and night, recess and prep time, I toiled and wrote, fatigued brain and sleepless night spurred by love and the answer “Yes, I do” kept me writing and on the 3rd day at the wee hour of Monday morning (1st April 2019) after countless drafts and unnumbered edits, my love letter was ready, a letter that would put Williams Shakespeare to shame and make Wole Shoyinka reconsider carpentry in his next life and with pride bigger than the statue of Liberty, I swaggered to school after ironing my clothes for about an hour to give “gaitors” that could slice yam to find Sophia and present my life’s work to her while damning Dumebi when he finds out, at least John died for Rose in the Titanic and so also did Valentine for his lover, so who am I not to?

I caught up to her in class just before assembly as I gave her the letter beaming with expectations of a positive reply as she smiled and replied, “Nosa, this is very beautiful, you really do have the most beautiful mind I’ve come across but you’re like a brother to me and Dumebi is really the only boy I like and I just hope he would notice me soon”

April fool, haha, I told her managing to smile as she also laughed it off in time for the jingle of the assembly bell as I walked away thinking of a 1000 ways to die when Dumebi finds out the stunt I just pulled on “his crush”.

    Joshua Alabi

    Written by

    Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
    Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
    Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade