
EXPRESSION
Ordinary, conventional, prosaic, uninteresting, banal, the list of words kept piling up, this was me, the fated definition of who I was, my personality, I was like an alien from another planet with the spotlight my kryptonite.
Fast-forward 2 years later, I discovered a name for my personality, “Melancholic" they called it and it brought some sort of relief and closure that I was not really alone and there were others who identified with this life.
So it came natural to shy away from all form of situations that put me in the spotlight, at school, at home, in a public gathering, imagine my surprise as the bell rang indicating the end of class, need I say the last class I’d have as a college student and my teacher walked up to me beaming with smile -A devilish smile I dare say - and dropped the bombshell that I was selected as a representative of the student body to give the valedictorian speech for the outgoing SS3 student.
Errr, sir I am an asthmatic patient, I hyperventilate in front of a crowd sir, I get struck by dizzy spells, I just kept stuttering, spewing all kind of excuses, I needed to get out of this tight spot and fast but Mr Eric just laughed it off and sauntered away in his usual gait that it took me all restraint and home training not to cuss at him. How was I supposed to pull that off, I was that guy that rarely ask questions in class and would rather nod in acceptance to everything said, right or wrong just to avoid been bothered. Is this nature’s way of ensuring balance by pushing me out to go disgrace myself and my family, ah!, I kept lamenting internally, the inner turmoil quite palpable, so much I could feel the creases on my forehead rivaling the potholes of Lagos roads.
Seeing how adamant Mr Eric was and I could not seem to change his mind, I set on a journey that I probably knew will “end in hot tears" with the attitude of “if I perish I perish", I guess I now know how Esther in the bible felt saying those words.
Drafts and drafts of speech I wrote in preparation and as each day passed, like some sort of devilish temptation, I started to get excited at the thought of actually giving that speech, day after day, night after night, on our wooden creaking bed under the “Atupa" (Local lamp that uses wool dipped in kerosene) that illuminated the room I slept in with my siblings, it started to appeal to me so much that mentally in my own conjured imagery and imitation of that day, I gave the best speech there is to give, a speech that rivaled that of Obama, I could already imagine the rousing applause that would follow.
Sooner than later, Saturday came, valedictory event became a reality, adorned in my suit, -not until a year later before I realized it was a coat, as it was sewn for me to grow and fit into as I aged- I marched with my friends to the hall to be seated, the program was about to commence.
“For the outgoing SS3 of the prestigious Floral golden heritage college, let us welcome Alabi Joshua to give the valedictorian speech”, with a light jab at the side from Tomisin, I was snatched away from my reverie and began to march up to the podium, while marching, eerily I started to wobble in spirit and in mind as I could feel the blood pounding in my veins, my temple and for a minute I just wanted to run out of the hall but found myself on the podium.
All eyes suddenly fixed on me gave me a sneak peek preview to how Jesus felt when he was crucified on the cross at Golgotha. The insecurities started to wrap around me like a slithering snake, my mind started to go blank, my mouth parched as the fear started creeping in and then my eyes settled on my mother’s in the crowd, as I could feel the pride well up in her eyes urging me, believing me in me just as the words started to flow effortlessly, till applause erupted reverberating in the hall, I’ve never felt so fulfilled as I walked back to my seat, I think I let out a tear or two.
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