Sometimes kids get hurt, and that’s OK: Injuries and Fear
Do you sometimes feel like a bad person if you see a toddler fall over? Did you laugh at the gif above?
It’s okay to laugh
I confess that I find it humorous when kids get “hurt”. Yes, I’m using quotation marks because being injured is a lot different to an adult than it is to a toddler. A scraped knee seems like it’s the end of the world to a child, but to an adult that’s the equivalent of finding random bruises on your legs. You just sort of look at them and think, “Oh, well”, and continue on with your day.
“Children learn from injuries. They learn that not every injury is going to kill them and that each one doesn’t require a full court press from mom and dad. Injuries help us learn to be more coordinated and that actions have consequences.” -Pat Henry, Parent
Getting hurt allows children to learn lessons that they can carry into their adult lives. If they get shocked from sticking their finger in an electric socket, they learn not to do that again, ever.
Fear Development and Birds
But, to what extent do childhood experiences relate to fear as an adult?
I’ve always wondered why I am afraid of things. For example, I’m terrified of birds. I associate my fear of winged demons to when I was attacked by a Blue Jay at the age of 10. I use “attack” loosely because it wasn’t that extreme, I was probably only pecked a few times. To this day I am afraid of anything that flies, and I’ve always linked this fear with an experience from when I was younger. But before that, I remember being skittish around birds. Was there something else that happened at an even younger age that relates to my current fear of birds as an adult?
“Some fear is evolutionary in nature, says Chansky. For example, many children — and adults — continue to fear things outside their experience. Their brains are wired to protect them from snakes, for example, even though the average person rarely encounters a slithery serpent, venomous or not. Some children experience anxiety disorders, often a strong emotional response to an intense experience. But mostly, a child’s fears are a predictable rite of passage.” -Annie Stuart, Childhood Fears and Anxieties
Even if you can’t remember it, you can still feel it
My curiosity lead me to schedule an interview with Dr. Lena Ericksen, PhD in Developmental Psychology and a Professor at Western Washington University.
I shared my personal story about the Blue Jay with her, and asked if some experiences that lead to fear development can occur without an individual having any memory of it. She answered yes, children can feel fear even if they don’t remember why they feel it. She told me that I most likely had an encounter with a bird as a toddler, saw a scary movie, or read a scary book that involved a bird.
“Fear is not age specific… A fear can begin at any time in your life. It is part of the human psyche. So if fear is in the environment, you feel it. And it’s a feeling thing. Infants can feel it, toddlers can feel fear. Being afraid of the dark… I would say that it is situation dependent.” — Ericksen, PhD
Knowing that my fear of birds isn’t irrational is a comforting thought. I might crouch to the ground whenever a winged monster flies over my head, but I know that this reaction has been wired into my brain due to past experiences as a young child.
So, if your kid falls over and gets hurt or is afraid of birds, thats OK. Just remember not to laugh too loud.
