Truth Boners

I get off telling the truth. There is something so amazing about telling someone something honest about yourself. You create an experience that only lives with you and that one other person. What else satiates that? Sex? Maybe, but that gets messy. Too many untold emotions. Telling the truth releases adrenaline, it makes your hands clammy and your limbs jittery. When you are finished, you feel weightless and giddy. For me, it’s a trademark all over flush.

I’ve been told that at times I’m really intense. I am very frank and I’m not afraid to tell people my past issues, experiences, the like. I enjoy it, being a real human being with problems. But not many people get to know that side of me, surprisingly. I have no problem sharing it, but you have to ask for it. I’m not going to spill my guts on social media, seeking for people to react in shock and awe. I’m not gluttonous when it comes to my truth telling. I want it to happen organically. When ordering pizza, driving to a party.

So much of our lives is filled with lying to people about who we are, and it’s something that I struggle with. Gotta stick to “my brand”. Gotta tailor my presence to give off the right “vibe”. I have to seem cool and aloof at all times because I like seeming mysterious. Which, if we are being honest (which we are), I do like seeming mysterious. But not for my ego, it’s so that I know the people who try to get behind the curtain are keepers. They are the people you truly open up to. You trust with your heart.

I had an acting teacher that told my class not to talk about our past traumas because it “dilutes them”. As an actor, you want something that can make you emotional in seconds. As a human being, I never agreed with that. Keeping things like that in are harmful and ultimately eat you up on the inside until you seek professional help.

Which, by the way, see a therapist. Everyone should. They are great.

People want to define themselves by their truths, their experiences. But how can you grow if what defines you is in the past? You will hold onto that little shit nugget until it festers and becomes your only defining trait. Doesn’t that sound awful? Doesn’t that sound like it’ll cost you thousands of dollars in therapy some day?

Some days I just want to go on a truth telling spree. Start posting countless of things about myself. It won’t help anyone else, but man it’ll give me a high like no other. Social media is a highlight reel, but I want to make it a nitty-gritty reel, so that others can feel like it’s okay to be honest with themselves, and therefore others. I guess that’s why I write. That’s why I have to write.