What I’m trying to say is…

I think it is terribly sad that some of the brightest people are often the ones who suffer the most. Can you imagine how it feels to have all of this knowlege inside you mind and not be able to express it? How it would feel to have the answers to someones question, yet be helpless? Stephen Hawking for example; the mind of a genius, but the body of an incapacitated. In his case of course he was able to continue his work through the help of technology. The masterful theoretical physicist was affected by a motor neuron disease before he even turned 21 and it has only worsened since.

Im thankful to say that I do not know what this feeling is like. However, the only feeling i have that is comparable to such a feeling is when I can’t put my thoughts into words. My God, its the most agonizing state I have been in. Sometimes its like I have all of these thoughts that I want to express and when I try to order them into sentances they come out like tangled strings. Most of the time I’ll admit, I give up. I don’t even bother becasue its so frustrating. I think thats why writing helps me so much. Sometimes its easier to get things down on paper, instead of trying to explain.

Maybe I have such a hard time because I’m scared. Scare of being judged, what the next person will say back, or what they will think of my opinions. Ill be honest, i do voice my opinions a lot of the time. I can understand how my worry of being judged could shut me off and make me give into silence sometimes. Maybe its my anger that gets the best of me. I often find that when I am in a situation where I am upset I get so overwhelmed that I give up. Or I’ll start off strong and just fade into a whisper and eventually into silence. I think this contributes to the fact that I often would rather compromise than discuss my feelings. I just dont know how to make people understand how I feel.

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