
The story I rather not share!
Alright here we go against the odds, writing something in the “not to be written” list, for someone who prefers not to share emotions much!- An introvert.
The Confusion

I’ll label this bit confusion as I am really not sure, even to this point if what I am going to write really exists, in the sense of it not being just an illusion stitched together by the broken circuitry of mind! and so I rather grant this freedom to the reader to decide at the end. (do let me know via comments)
Whatever it may seem to be, I assure something magical had hit me as never had I heard the stars sing or universe ring, but I experienced it all with her name being faded from pages of memory but carved onto layers of mind.
The Stellar Dust

So where did this star, approaching it’s near end, start it’s tale from? It all began when this mischievous and mythical “heart” strayed from it’s rightful path and instead of just pumping blood, introduced me to a new chemical called love!
Life was much simple before, me and my closed circle of life, with games, friends and family enough to make meaning out of life, till she happened and the definitions got revised.
It happened while I began drifting from dust to a cluster, from merely helium and hydrogen to iron and copper, known commonly as the age of teen.
The Enchantress

As words are being minted, rather typed, and in the spaces between I can see her in voids of mind, the laughter, fragrance, warmth, energy all brought to life from the ruins of time.
I saw her in the month of spring, it was a hot day but hell of a wind that made me seek shelter in the peach Inn. Just a few tables by was the magic waiting to happen.
And for a moment, I let go of this urge to stay awake, fall deep into this slumber of mind, where exist no worries, fears or hopes not even happiness to be told. Just presence of a lost identity, and experiences like the smell of nascent wood, the moist of rain and mud, the chills of a winter bed!
She was far from perfect, like the broken lines of a poem waiting for the poet’s attentions, or the instrument yearning a fresh composition. And this imperfection swayed me in, right into the hurricane’s eye; all still but engulfed by ferocious winds.
I never knew what love was, or how to be in it, not even sure of it’s existence till it manifested through the absence of that being loved in secret!
The Drama

It almost feels like tracing the curves of a blurred shape, for I found landscapes and portraits of her life’s journey when the tale had been long buried in past.
My teen days were just like of any other normal teen; quite abnormal. The swings from social media, breeze from films, shocks from family, turbulence from school, relief from friends and just all the other usual elements of 21'st century with an occasional strike from observing deep poverty (through media!).
Like a fading music coming to life, from fragments of our conversations I found untold stories waiting to be discovered, from glimpses of our adventures I found symphonies waiting to be heard, but wait when did I become all so sudden mystic and poetical?
I would meet her once in a while, we would walk under street lights, the dam shine in her eyes, only if I could recreate that image, would end up painting a master work of art.
To be honest we never loved each other, but even so our love was much deeper, for how could it then otherwise drag me again into this mess? this story being told, it surely couldn't be just a mind out of control?
Our story was a long and boring one, occasional rifts and turbulence, nothing much of a fascination, not even poems or songs composed or even told, so how did it lead to such a disastrous end?
The Departure

So what was it after all; a forged tale or self-imagined legacy that powered these words of heresy? All I would say is it was a realization; a simple yet subtle truth!
An event that I rather will not share, marked an end to our story, an ending that could have no sequel. A sad ending that tore apart things I thought were true and the first one was me being in love!
Love was not the energy to consume the harsh and mild or sweet and delights, but it was a state of pure acceptance, undeclared submission to the will of universe. An act of power and elegance hidden in experience of divine through works of daily life.
I realized I never loved her, in fact rubbish were all such thoughts. However she taught me what love was, and for that I always will be grateful till the breath counted as last.
Love was not acquisition of an idea or emotion, neither consequence or cause of an event, it was pure presence in the moment at present, unbiased observance of that existing within and out.
At the end, I found love when she was no longer, when she had gone far far away, to another universe another time and dimension. Yet I found her alive in me, a fragment of time that had been captured forever, like a Polaroid of emotions and energies.
I found her giving me inspiration when felt low, her smile to cheer up my moments of sorrow and ideas making me rethink about moments of joy. What magic had she done, I know not but it sure is a strong one. One I might not be able to tap out of ever again, but would still prefer it this way over the thousand others, and relive finding her and experiencing her thoughts and energy from dusts of past.
It’s just like playing Mario but only once you have realized the high-end graphics games are meaningless for they kill the joy of childhood, it’s innocense and drown us deep in energies of rivalry, competition and lust. I hope you will too find your Mario!