My Tinder Life Cycle
2. I know it’s only been 4 days, but…This is low stakes and easy. It will distract me, just get my mind off him for a little while. 5 minutes, maybe 10. Nothing extreme, just a looksie to pass the time. A little swipe swipe never hurt no one, I don’t think.
3. Oh god. What was I thinking? A sea of male faces and not one that even comes close to comparing. Sure, Sommelier Seth is incredibly attractive and successful, but there is no way he’d get my perverse sense of humor. I’m sure he’d find my passion for snacking and reality TV repulsive. Yup, I am going to die alone and this app just confirms it.
4. Alright, it’s been a couple of weeks, let’s take a deep breathe and rethink things a bit. Why don’t we just see this for what it is: a way to get laid. Quick, easy, non-emotional. How bad could one night be with Tim The Architect, Jonathan The Screen Writer, or maybe even Dave (no job description) Who Owns A Cute Tabby? This will be easy, and maybe even fun.
5. My best friend from high school gets married. We were always the wild ones, the ones who made bad decisions with boys (spanning years and multiple continents). But this was the end of that. It was a small ceremony in Canada, where the groom is from, and I had to miss it because of work. It was on a farm and she wore a simple shift dress and in the pictures she looks the happiest I’ve ever seen her.
6. I am definitely going to meet someone. Come fall, I’ll have a meaningful relationship with a mature man. He’ll also be from California, and want to move back there someday (New York City just “makes the most sense right now, career-wise”). He will be gentle, and sweet, and everything everyone else was not. Can’t wait.
7. He says he doesn’t really use Tinder anymore. The week after we sleep together I indulge that sneaky, self-destructive part of myself and open the app. “Logged in 3 hours ago,” it says on his profile. He’s still looking, and doing so during work on a week day. I send him a message via the app, even though of course we have each other’s numbers. “LMFAO,” I say, to let him know I’m aware. “LOL Tinderrrr,” he responds. (The fling lasts about one more week).
8. Am I attractive? Just wondering, because I’ve been feeling a bit shitty lately. Perhaps it’s time for some fast and easy confirmation. Ah yes, here we go…The matches are rollin’ in, baby! Hi John, Frank and Louis. Hi Tim, Sam and Ted. It was fun matching with you, but unfortunately, I gotta go. I’m late to meet my friend at a party.
9. On the walk to walk over, she tells me her stories. The ones about family, and heartbreak, and home. We’ve both had too much to drink, which makes it easier when approaching a roof full of strangers. We huddle in the corner with the last of the tequila and chain smoke and cackle until we lose our voices. Hours pass, but we don’t know where they go. It’s the best night we’ve had all summer, we tell each other, before hopping into separate cabs. On the way home, I fall asleep easily (for the first night in months).