It has nothing to do with emasculation.
Sumant Manne
11

It has nothing to do with emasculation.

Are you of the opinion that men, in general, are comfortable with making less money than their women partners?

Success and status by men are sexually desired by women, and so success and status is what men will try to achieve.

By all women? How many women? Ask yourself why that is? I think it’s an antiquated notion largely driven by systemic gender roles that apply less and less as time goes on.

What are your views on what men want from a relationship?

A woman who is more successful than a certain man will rarely have sex with him, yet the opposite happens all the time (think cute barista at Starbucks).

I will definitely need to see data to support this, because you’re suggesting that women don’t desire sex (again, ask yourself why that is) which is something I do not believe. Never mind that relationships are more than just sex, but that also brings up how men place a lot of value on their sexual prowess which is just another way that messed up gender expectations hurt men. It causes things such as men overestimating how much their peers have sex and a host of other myths about male sexual promiscuity (helps fuel low self esteem and other damaging things)

Anecdotally I do not have issues having sex with women that are more successful than me, nor did it appear to be an issue in the relationships of my friends where that was the case too. Any individual’s mileage may vary but my experience actually has me having more sex once I stopped worrying about having sex as my relationship goals. This is with every partner being a woman with varying degrees of career aspirations.

I also don’t consider it a positive for a woman to exchange sex for financial security. I really don’t consider it a good thing for men to feel this is an angle to leverage for sex. I feel it’s damaging towards both men and women and undermines their ability to have happy relationships and to amicably separate if and when relationships don’t work out. But it goes back to how society values promiscuity in both men and women. Lots of belief that men should be super sexually active in order to be true men, combined with (though I think getting better) the idea that women should be protective of their “pure” virginity (if having sex makes them impure, does this mean men are the impure things corrupting this?) and walking the fine line not being “frigid” or a “slut.”

Given the value men place on the ability and accessibility to have sex, however, the belief that more successful women are less interested in having sex DOES provide a motivation for ensuring that women in general are not as successful as men. I don’t consider this a good thing either.

Even in the examples you give, there is far more maternal than paternal leave. I would love to spend time with my kids when I have them. But the reality is that I can’t.

Why not? I agree that there’s a large amount of pressure for men NOT too. Concepts of toxic masculinity that undermine the view that men are good parents and have to be the more successful partner I think play a big role. I think this devalues men.

Of course if you live in the US, my understanding is that parental leave in general is pretty rare. And if you feel you “can’t” spend time with your kids simply because you’re a man, I think that’s super tragic and it behooves as us a people to evolve. This may in fact mean we as a society also recognize that it’s okay for men to not be the primary bread winner in some cases too? Both men and women are not immune to the influences society has and the legacy and gender norm of women marrying for money and security is definitely a thing. But it’s one I think should be changed.

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