Being addicted to attention from a Crush

Aleefa Bhalloo
Sep 8, 2018 · 4 min read

Why you are going down a hole and whether you can avoid it….

When we are attracted to someone, we crave his or her’s attention. Heck- it happens to the best of us. I don’t know if it is because we seek validation from them, or we yearn to discover if the crush is reciprocated, or if it is those pesky hormones and romantic ideals, or if it just because there is not much else going on in our lives. It is normally all four of the above.

However, perhaps the reason we have a crush on that particular person is that that person has stuff going on in their lives- stuff that has nothing to do with us. We are attracted to that air of mystery around them and the passionate way they evoke their passions. When the only thing somewhat exciting happening in your life is that red notification on Facebook (that indicates a message and is thus perhaps a message from your crush) red flags should be going up. I mean, sure, it’s ok to enjoy conversing with your crush but if that is your only source of excitement then that’s just not a sustainable source of excitement or a good enough reason to exist. Rest assured that your crush definitely has other stuff going on in their lives; in fact that is precisely the reason you are attracted to him/her. No amount of attention from your crush (which in any case you are unlikely to receive )is enough to fulfil whatever void you may be feeling- be it spiritual, professional, emotional or health related.

For you to be at all attractive to the person you are attracted to, you have to first find something you are interested in (other than the person you have the hots for) and you must not do it with the sole intent of becoming attractive to so and so-otherwise it defeats the purpose. Actually finding your passion and then monetising it to earn a living is a whole other bag of worms but we’ll get in to that in another blog. Getting back to the subject of attention from crushes, the harsh reality is that they will never give you the attention you crave and you craving it reveals that something is inherently missing from your life. The three people I‘ve been attracted to at different times in my life all involved me, at some level, checking my email and phone regularly for a message from them. Needless to say, I received very few messages and then eventually none at all and so I was setting myself up for disappointment and disillusion from the get go.

I had hoped that one crush story would involve me using the idealisation happening (because idealisation is definitely happening), the desire, the disappointment and the delusion to conjure up a novel. After all, authors derive their inspiration from significant experiences in their lives be it heart break, guilt, death of a loved one, depression, or some sort of enlightenment. A crush experience can work too as it is in part rooted in fantasy because you are likely conjuring up all kinds of scenarios with your crush and what he/she may think of you (although they probably think nothing of you ) and most fiction works are based on imagination and to a certain extent-fantasy. This is a creative way to channel your frustration and disillusionment for anyone that feels they may be a wordsmith. Of course, wishing to write a book is one thing, actually writing one is a whole other and, well, I for one couldn’t put pen to paper and conjure up a plot for a book. But, I am writing this blog so I suppose baby steps….

Well I’ve gone off a tangent. Of course, the obvious way to not go down the hole of being addicted to a crush’s attention is to simply keep oneself busy. But that is easier said than done ( especially if you live in a developing country) and are kind off broke. In addition, I just don’t feel keeping yourself artificially busy is the way to go. Just go for long walks when it’s not too sunny or else wear a hat, find a book that has a pace that corresponds to your attention span, or learn that Spanish you’ve always wanted to learn. Of course these are some of the things I would do, find something that appeals to you and is doable based on your circumstances. And, most importantly, try not to be in to anyone before you’ve made at least some head way in sorting out other aspects of your life that will thus make you less eager to see if he or she has replied. I mean, well, it’s kind of pathetic to be so eager when the object of your desire has no where near the same level of eagerness.

I will end by reminding you that nine times out of 10, you are attracted to the idea of that person and not the actual person ( this is especially true when you have not actually spent time with the said person.) But how does being aware that you attracted to the idea of the person help to not go down a hole you ask? Well, already knowing that something is deceptive will put your guard on and perhaps allow you use the theme of deception to create the script of an exciting show like the Dynasty reboot? Well, that’s a best case scenario, worst case scenario, you at least become self aware and can blog about your self awareness like a loser- much like I’m doing now.

P.S: That last line was sarcasm, if you don’t get or like sarcasm- …well I was going to say “my blogs aren’t for you” but honestly I need all the views I can get!

Aleefa Bhalloo

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Je suis plein de contradictions, une idéaliste terrible et une aspirante écrivaine/activiste.

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