A Text That Was Never Sent

Photo by Lía Rivera Flaviá

Are you okay?
About an hour and a half ago (circa 6 pm), I had a very, very bad feeling. Thoughts of my sister’s unexpected encounter with you last week walked with me into the supermarket, and my hands didn’t make it to the first empty cart before I was struck by some force that gripped my insides, blocked my windpipe, and talked to me like a warning. A warning pertaining to you, I deduced.
I’ve spent the past 90 minutes fighting myself on whether or not to contact you (after all, a year’s worth of silence is a place too safe to abandon), but I selfishly figured that if something were to happen to you and I hadn’t reached out to you after life had reached out to me, well… that would be worse than anything this message could spring into existence.
So, without ignoring all that remains painful and unresolved, I’m asking… 
Are you okay? Are you alive? 
Tell me anything.

March 31, 2016
Brooklyn, NY