That’s Not What Happened

The small, seemingly inconsequential expectations we set for ourselves, others, and our environment are, more often than not, destined not to be met. Yet, when we make them almost without thinking, how can we escape the hurt our missed expectations cause?

I would like to relate a personal anecdote of how three simple words, heard at the right moment, forever reshaped how I react to the world around me.

My wife and I were returning from a short vacation. During our absence, we had left our home and our cat in the care of a relative. We returned to find the house was intact. The cat, fed. But the instructions I had left did not provide guidance on when to let the cat out. The instructions also did not say the litter box should be cleaned.

The litter wasn’t cleaned. And the cat never let out. I was upset.

I was upset that the litter box had not been cleaned for almost a week. I was upset that our cat had no choice but to use the filthy litter box. And I was upset that the person we had entrusted with the care of our beloved animal had not noticed the problem.

“He should have known.”

That’s what I felt. And that is what I repeatedly vented to my wife. It was in response to my frustration that she uttered the words that forever altered the lens through which I viewed life.

“Should doesn’t matter.”

Those words lifted a burden from my shoulders that I didn’t even realize I was…