This thing

No one knows, I’m scared to death. Well, almost to death. I’m scared of losing people, mostly the one I love. I’m scared of feeling hopeless all my life. I’m scared of feeling like this all my life. Every night there’s a wave. A wave of loneliness, loss of hope, scared. Most nights I cry myself to sleep. If not that it’s usually that I can’t go to sleep. I just say I’m not tired. The reality is I’m tired all the time. This thing, it towers over me, there’s no escaping. I love having friends… but not this one. It’s driven a wedge between me and the people I adore most in my life. They don’t know. They just think I’m an asshole for not returning their calls/text messages. I don’t mean to. If only they knew. If only they knew, they would treat me differently. They would see me as something I’m not. This thing that towers over me becomes viable to the people surrounding me.

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