Vi presento John Bercow

Lo Speaker della House of Commons è un distillato di humor inglese da manuale

«Order! Order!» è probabilmente la parola che risuona di più in una delle aule più curiosamente affollate e chiassose del mondo, nonchè la madre di tutte le Aule: la House of Commons nel Parlamento britannico. È così che, in ossequio alla consuetudine stabilita, lo Speaker of the House invita i colleghi a mantenere la disciplina durante le sedute.

Dimentichiamoci però i parrucconi cui siamo abituati a pensare quando immaginiamo le istituzioni inglesi (la parrucca con i boccoli bianchi è stata abbandonata dallo speaker da diversi anni). Tra i rigidi e pomposi rituali della Monarchia inglese, The Right Honourable John Simon Bercow MP (così lo vuole citato la formale etichetta parlamentare, ma nell’Aula ci si può limitare a Mr Speaker) conduce i lavori con la dovuta risolutezza e con particolare attenzione alle prerogative istituzionali. Di una cosa però non riesce proprio a fare a meno: usare il proprio inconfondibile stile spiccatamente retorico per apostrofare con ironia e arguzia i propri colleghi, regalando uno sterminato campionario di humor inglese da manuale che gli è valso da tempo l’ammirazione del pubblico e anche di molti colleghi (e ovviamente l’odio di altri).

Ecco alcune, e solo alcune delle sue uscite notevoli (sotto il video sono riportate le citazioni esatte):

Mr Speaker: Order. Mr Blenkinsop, you are yelling across the Chamber. Be quiet. Calm yourself. Take up yoga. [11 dicembre 2013]
Mr Speaker: «Order. Mr Gove, you really are a very over-excitable individual. You need to write out 1,000 times “I will behave myself at Prime Minister’s questions”.» [5 febbraio 2014, all’allora ministro dell’istruzione Michael Gove]
Mr Speaker: «Order. Mr Ellis, you are a distinguished practising barrister. You would not have behaved like that in the courts; do not behave like that in this Chamber. Calm yourself and be quiet – learn it man!» [30 gennaio 2013]
Mr Speaker: «Order. Mr Ruane, you are an incorrigible delinquent at times. Behave yourself man.» [5 febbraio 2014]
Mr Speaker: «Order. Mr Robertson: calm yourself, man. The lion must get back in its den.» [29 gennaio 2014]
The Prime Minister: «…I do not know what Labour are paying him – »
Mr Speaker: «Order.»
The Prime Minister: «I have not finished – » [Interruption.]
Mr Speaker: «In response to that question, the Prime Minister has finished, and he can take it from me that he has finished.»
[30 aprile 2014, togliendo la parola al premier David Cameron che nel rispondere ad una domanda si era prolungato oltre il necessario con il solo scopo di irridere l’opposizione]

Non mancano, tra l’altro, momenti di pura britishness come il severo rimprovero di un collega in ritardo, o del parlamentare che mastica la gomma o ancora di una ministra che si distrae con il cellulare durante la seduta (qualcosa che da noi rasenta l’incredibile):

Mr Speaker: «Order. We now come to an urgent question to be asked by Mr Bernard Jenkin. Not here. Where is the fella?»
Hon. Members: «Brussels.»
Mr Speaker: «I find it very hard to believe that the hon. Gentleman is in Brussels. [Interruption.] Order. Given that I have granted the hon. Gentleman’s application for an urgent question, it is a considerable discourtesy for him not to be here at once. He should have been in the Chamber. This must not happen again. The hon. Gentleman is a very serious and conscientious parliamentarian. If you put a question in, man – be here. Let us hear it. I am sorry to be annoyed, but I am annoyed, because the House’s interests are involved. This is not just about the hon. Gentleman; it is about all the other Members who have bothered to be here on time and about the interests of the House. The Minister was here well in time, which is good, and the shadow Minister has toddled in – the hon. Member for Wolverhampton South West (Rob Marris) beetled into the Chamber just in time. Let us hear from the hon. Member for Harwich and North Essex (Mr Jenkin).» [23 maggio 2016]
Mr Speaker: «Order. Mr MacNeil, you are an exceptionally boisterous fellow, and in the course of your boisterous behaviour appear to be chewing some sort of gum. It is very eccentric conduct. I have great aspirations for you to be a statesman, but your apprenticeship still has some distance to travel.» [12 ottobre 2016]
Mr Speaker: «Order. There is a certain amount of chirruping from the Treasury Bench and elsewhere on this matter, and I simply make two points. It is entirely for the Government to decide which Minister to field, but I say gently to the Secretary of State, and to the Deputy Leader of the House, that to sit on the Bench rather than to participate while these matters are debated, is one thing – particularly in the case of the Secretary of State – but to sit there fiddling ostentatiously with an electronic device defies the established convention of the House that such devices should be used without impairing parliamentary decorum. They are impairing parliamentary decorum, and in very simple terms the Secretary of State and the Deputy Leader of the House are being rank discourteous to the shadow Secretary of State and to the House. It is a point so blindingly obvious that only an extraordinarily clever and sophisticated person could fail to grasp it.»
Heidi Alexander: «Thank you, Mr Speaker. This is not the first time that the Health Secretary has chosen not to respond to debates that I have secured or questions that I have put.» [Interruption.]
Mr Speaker: «Order. I say to the Deputy Leader of the House: put the device away. If you do not want to put it away, get out of the Chamber. It is rude for the – [Interruption.] Order! I am not inviting a response from the hon. Lady. [Interruption.] Order! I am simply telling her that it is discourteous to behave like that – a point that most people would readily understand.»

Infine contenuto bonus risalente ad una settimana fa: il siparietto tra lo Speaker e il parlamentare laburista Chris Bryant sul «kiss-a-ginger-day»:

PS: sì, come avrete notato, John ha un gusto tutto particolare per le cravatte…


PPS: Sto mantenendo un elenco delle migliori sortite di John Bercow qui.