Go to the profile of Annie Leue
Annie Leue
Idk but not good. 25 // designer // eater // some other things

Re: Leader of the Free World Job Opportunity

To whom it may concern,

My name is Donald Trump and I’m writing you to apply for the leader of the free world position you posted on Craigslist. I came across it and I thought, hey, I’d be great at that. So great. Better than any other president this country has ever seen. Clinton? Last I checked he was smoking weed out of a saxophone and making inappropriate sexual advances towards anything on two legs. Obama? What a joke. An overly convoluted knock knock joke about fraudulent US citizenship to be exact. What this country needs is a no-nonsense Mensa candidate with business savvy and perfect teeth. Find attached my résumé. You won’t be disappointed.

Education

Wharton School of Business
August 1964–May 1968
BS, Economics; BS, B.S.

Assets

  • Speaks his mind
  • Big…hands
  • Money, has loads of it
  • Is a total winner
  • Knows words, has the best words
  • One of the highest IQs (ever)
  • Deeply and undeniably sexually attractive

Experience

America
June 2015–December 2024
Future President

I have solutions. Good solutions! I’m gonna make this country great again. I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it’s time America was run like a business.

Trump University
May 2005–???
Dean of Exploitation

When people were asking for their money back, frankly — and I would have these good reports, but people would ask for their money back — we gave them their money back. I shouldn’t have given their money back. I gave back millions of dollars because I’m an honest guy.

The Apprentice
January 2004–November 2015
Ultimate Decider of Fate

I had tremendous success in show business — star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. ‘The Apprentice’ was one of the most successful shows. Every time you walk down the street people are screaming, ‘You’re fired!’

Trump Tower
1983–present
Architectural Savant

I own buildings. I’m a builder; I know how to build. Nobody can build like I can build. Nobody. And the builders in New York will tell you that. I build the best product. And my name helps a lot.

Technical Skills

  • Cursory understanding of world religions and cultures
  • Expert-level birth certificate fraud detection
  • Follicle sorcery and comb magic
  • Ability to be untethered to the earthly bounds of political correctness

Awards & Accomplishments

  • Primetime Emmy Awards nominee, Outstanding Reality-Competition Program, 2004, 2005
  • WWE Hall of Fame, 2013
  • Published many critically-acclaimed books, more than you can probably even count
  • Declared bankruptcy, 1991, 1992, 2004, 2009

You won’t be needing any references.

You’d be an idiot not to hire me. Hope to hear from you soon.

Best,
The Biggest D