Vegeta, Failure and Finding Your Calling
Have you ever tried to become more than what you currently are?
I’ve been trying to do just that all my life. You might say my life has been one relentless and never-ending pursuit of becoming something more than what I currently am.
Is there something wrong with me? Probably. Maybe I watch too much Dragon Ball Z, maybe my mom was too critical of me growing up. Not sure exactly … and not exactly sure I want to be any other way … because it’s possible, becoming is me.
But for a long time I hated that I was still in the process of becoming after already having spent so many years trying to become something more. I was like the Prince of all Saiyans, never satisfied with where I am because someone better was already where I wanted to be. I believed that my identity came from being and not becoming.
As I look back on those years it’s clear to me now that I was wounded, trying to make something wrong from my past right. I thought if I could just become this one thing, it would fix all of the pain I was carrying around inside.
It should be no surprise to you that I never repaired the wrong done to me in the past and I never became that thing I aspired to become. My pain was too great to admit my true motivation came from a place of need, not genuine desire and certainly not joy. It was thus doomed to fail from the start.
I’ve heard it said that the ego is “the story of who you think you are.” What I haven’t heard said is that often we humans create these stories to survive times of intense pain. For a time, my ego kept me alive but for me to move forward … it had to die.
I overcame my ego when I stopped fighting my pain and seeking to validate my identity through what I was trying to become. And no sooner than I set aside my ego did I re-discover a long forgotten voice that had been there all along: the voice of my true identity asking to step into the light. That voice is the reason I wrote this article and it’s the reason I want to become something more yet again. However, I am no longer driven by pain or seeking validation for my “identity.” I no longer need to become something more, I want to become something more …and there’s a big difference. Whatever you’re pursuing, I hope the same is true for you.