How to load the dishwasher

  1. It’s okay to be confused. When you open the dishwasher for the first time, it might be an empty, clean slate just waiting for you to create a puzzle of dishes, silverware, plates, and glasses. It probably is full to the brim of tomato sauce covered, slimy utensils and mugs insufficiently rinsed of the remnants of dried up coffee that once was hot, creamy goodness. It may have a smell.
  2. Plug your nose and take your expertly rinsed cereal bowl over to the madness.
  3. Look among the dirty bowls for two strong, empty spikes between which yours can sit, ready for the warm, soapy water to wash over and clean every nook and cranny, every milk-soaked surface.
  4. If you can’t find any space, don’t panic. There is a solution.
  5. At this point you’ll be looking at the situation like a partially solved rubik’s cube: you have to mess up the perfectly aligned blue squares for just a moment in order to solve it.
  6. Make your choice like an expert chess player in the last few moves of a heated championship: hover over slightly, weigh the consequences, don’t put yourself in a situation you can’t get out of (i.e. holding the crusty serving dish that once held mac and cheese)
  7. Take the leap. It’s okay if you make a mistake. The worst that can happen is that you’re momentarily stuck grasping the ice cream bowl with dried chocolate fudge down the sides. Don’t sweat it. It has a place, just like your cereal bowl does.
  8. Now that you’ve moved one or two items, stick in your bowl and the pieces you removed.
  9. If it doesn’t fit: remember, it doesn’t have to sit as perfectly as the edges of the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of London that you finished last May.
  10. Adjust slightly, then consider it a job well done.
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