Do you know what? This is a safe space and what I feel like I’m reading here is something you’ve censored by listing a justification for every instance of being sucked dry by your siblings/parents/the world, etc.
If I were you, yes, I would understand the reasons behind all of it but at the same time, I WOULD BE MAD AS HELL. I WOULD FEEL CHEATED.
I don’t know. Maybe you said all you wanted to say. But if it were me, I would need to let it all out, raw, exactly the way it feels in my heart and in my head. Not “I understand why it was this way but i wish…” but IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER IF THERE WERE GOOD REASONS I’M STILL FUCKING LIVID. MY PARENTS SHOULD HAVE DONE THEIR JOB SO THAT I COULD HAVE A SISTER NOW INSTEAD OF A SURROGATE DAUGHTER AND WE COULD BE EQUALS INSTEAD OF HER SEEING ME AS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER.
i guess all i’m trying to say is we are here, and you should yell if you want to. there is no judgment. you have a right to feel deserted, and cheated, and to be validated in knowing that what you lived with wasn’t normal, and it wasn’t fair, and that is true regardless of the problems experienced by anyone involved. their deficits do not diminish your sacrifices.