:( I was too ranty, wasn’t I?
Charlotte Franklin
1

It’s not about the hair. Or the wrinkles. It’s about suddenly not being the person my brain remembers me being. I don’t look like my mom. Or my dad. So it’s not like I’m becoming one of them. I look in the mirror and I don’t see ANYONE I know. I see a stranger and it’s scary.

I’m not pretty. Not by anyone’s standards. I had a cute phase at around 16 but that was a long time ago. So this isn’t “I’m not pretty anymore. Poor me.” this is “I’m not me anymore. Who am I?” and it’s terrifying.

And I think married women at least have someone to say “no, you ARE still you.” but I don’t have that so I think I just feel very frightened. It took me a long time to accept myself. Through motherhood, and addiction, and divorce, and mental illness, and recovery. And now it feels like the person I didn’t like much but worked so damned hard to accept…it feels like shes gone and all of that pain and struggle was for naught. And it makes me sad.

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated Alexainie’s story.