See, that’s the thing. I tried but could not access the comment you were responding to or anything before that, so, no. All I have is what you wrote.
And I took that into consideration when I was writing this, because I knew I didn’t have the whole story. Which was actually kind of better for me; Lizella Prescott and I were talking about this book just the other day, and how wretched we find it to be lol.
I think you should ABSOLUTELY stand by your previous analysis, and I was suggesting nothing to the contrary. I was just adding my own, because I knew that I could do that ( hoped, anyhow) without you taking it as a direct attack.
I found your take very interesting. I had never looked at it from the perspective of the boy being the damaged party. I can see how that could be the case. And I wasn’t ever sure if you were kidding.
I have a hard time reading you, sometimes. It’s me and my broken funny bone.
But it has always tickled that place in me that is angry with my mother. That place I don’t dare go very often, because that woman has been everything to me. But she’s deeply flawed-40+ years with a narcissistic, violent drunk will do that to a person. You could rip off my mom’s arms at Thanksgiving and she would have you back for Christmas AS IF IT NEVER HAPPENED, LEGS READY FOR YOU TO TAKE THOSE, TOO.
It’s insane, and my inability to just pretend the bad stuff never happened is shot.
Here’s the part people never seem to grasp: My brother is all about me being a bitch for not forgiving our dad for our childhoods and THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT THE CASE.
I forgave him for that stuff 20 years ago. I had to. I wasn’t a child anymore.
And I’ve forgiven him for a million things since. But, you see, my father refuses to acknowledge who he is and the things he does TODAY. And I have kids, and he has no intention of altering his behavior RIGHT NOW. He still gets hammered every, single day and says and does unspeakably horrible things to my mom, and me when I’m there, and then conveniently blacks it out of his memory and wonders what everyone is all upset about.
To continue to put myself in situations that allow him to behave abusively towards me or my kids is insanity.
Not engaging with my dad is not me holding a grudge from childhood. It’s me adulting.
And it sucks.
But I can’t be the tree.
See, I went all off track and squeezed my personal shit purge out on your page; I apologize. It’s been a day.
But I brought it back around. Sorta.
I’m on my phone so I can’t be sure I made a point. But I’m going to stop while I’m ahead. ☺