So much yesyesyes here.
They’re called NATURAL CONSEQUENCES and we should start letting our children experience them as early as possible (obviously in an age appropriate manner. we don’t let the toddler play in traffic because he ‘needs to learn not to play in traffic). People, even children, learn quickly what is expected of them. Then we insist on telling them over and over again as if they’re stupid.
“Don’t fight in the store or we’ll leave.”
“Don’t forget to set your alarm.”
Make your lunch, eat breakfast, get dressed, put on your jacket, don’t be late
These were our mornings for years. I did this with two children; basically walked them through their morning as if they’d never been there before. Then I read this book and it changed everything. People are capable of so many things they never do because someone else is doing it for them.
My family is a typical alcoholic family system. My mother has been married to my father for 44 years and in all of that time, she’s never allowed him to suffer the natural consequences of his actions. And then she wonders why he keeps doing those things.
Why WOULDN’T he? HE gets to be hammered during it. Only SHE has the memories. I’ve begged her not to walk around after him righting his wrongs because IT ISN’T HELPING HIM. It feels, to a codependent wife, like helping. But it’s not. And she did that for my brother and me as well, because she felt guilty about how my father treated us.
Luckily for me, when I became a fall down alcoholic and drug addict, my then-husband threw my ass out on the street without a change of clothes. That night I totaled my car, which was all that I had left. And NO ONE would fix what I had broken. He was and still is a mean sonofabitch, but I truly believe that he saved my life.
By letting me fall.
That is all.