Being a Petulant Person
On a fluke yesterday, I discovered an adjective that I had never considered in describing myself before. Viewing the definition, I realized that it is, indeed, a nearly perfect definition of a part of my life I like to pretend does not exist.
Now, I know what you may be thinking: “She had never realized that she was fabulous??”
Shocking as it may be, that is not the word I am nodding towards.
Petulant: <pech-uh-luh nt>
1. moved to or showing sudden, impatient irritation, especially over some trifling annoyance.
I am, in fact, typing this in an attempt to divert myself after a burst of petulance I experienced only moments ago.
In many of the moments that I am driven to petulance, I find common trends:
- Loud or unruly environment (i.e. music playing, multiple conversations).
- Pain or annoyance on or within my person (i.e. headaches, uncomfortable clothing).
- Something did not go as planned, often as I am attempting to be helpful.
In my case, these elements seem to always be present when I find myself lashing out at others. Often, I am going out of my way to do something that may be unsavory in an attempt to assist another individual. This may be cleaning or, as the case was tonight, making dinner. Multiple conversations, music, or the TV are usually happening in the background, making it harder to think. Additionally, something on my person is often annoying or even painful. If my nose is itching, I have a headache, or the clothing I am wearing is uncomfortable in some way, I become much more prone to growing angry. If something is not going as planned, specifically if it’s not something I can easily fix, that’s when other people become the targets.
Petulance is a part of me. No matter how hard I have attempted to fix it, I always have days where things pile up until I finally burst.
In the moment, nothing goes right. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if something does go right, it went wrong.
In the moment, no one understands. Everyone else is an idiot — I’m the only one who knows anything and they are stupid for trying.
In the moment, comments like, “you seem grumpy,” surprisingly do not assist in curing the grumpiness.
In the moment, I am a cat hissing at those who come near. If you do not heed my warnings, I will bite you.
In the moment, leave me alone. If I hide myself away, do not follow!
I may be petulant in the moment. Nevertheless, in that moment I am still a person. I am simply a person having a moment.
Let me have my moment.