If mama knew how it turned out…

Tonight I’ve watched Words (2012). Movie was about plagiarism. Words were about me. I was highly curious since my childhood about Liberal Arts, Humanities, etc. Excellent marks on this subjects followed me in high school. I was good at it in high school. Liberal Arts teachers have inspired me, motivated me. The content of the lesson wasn’t abstract — it was life lesson. It teaches you how your decisions or decisions of historical figures (fiction characters in Literature lessons) affects others. And themselves. The first connection was superficial. But the process of affecting yourself is clear to me only now.

As far as I remember, I was dreamer all my life. Imagination has driven me to where I am. Senior student, 20 years old, seeking for new ventures. Unfortunately, due to my laziness, procrastination and idealism I have made the wrong choice. I accept my failure. I search for an excuse. I seek for lie which is mostly product of my imagination.

However, there are not only bad news, but good ones. I am fascinated with coding. I was reading articles about people pursuing their dreams, attending bootcamps, changing their life trajectory completely. Later I have found out that these people still struggle to compete with people who do this for 10 years in a row. The reason for a lot of people working in web/game/mobile development was and, I assume, is reward. Not money. Pleasure of solving new riddle, creating product, working in “Flow” is the main incentive.

To be honest, I fear. I fear failure, difficulties that there would be on my way to become good web developer. In contrast, I am horrified at working 9 to 5 feeling no satisfaction. So, trying and still sucking at coding is better then poor productivity at the job that you ought to do.

Earlier I have read Walter Isaacson’s books on Steve Jobs, Einstein, Benjamin Franklin. Great people inspire me. Fiction also can inspire me sometimes. Inspiration from real people that are more like you, having their ups and downs is much more stronger. Thereby, I commit myself to learning coding for 4.5 months. May this story be useful for somebody, as hundreds of stories were for me.

“Don’t fool yourself

Your eyes don’t lie, you’re much too good to be true

Don’t fire fight

Yeah I feel you burning, everything’s burning

Don’t fly too high

Your wings might melt, you’re much too good to be true” “Wolves” K.West