Certifying Sustainable Events on Campus
Mallory Deeter
11

You have a decent start on your review article here Mallory, but it still needs a bit of tidying up to live up to its potential. You’ve found a really interesting campus initiative and are doing a good job of starting to think it through. There are two main things that still need some work though.

First, the organization of the piece could use a bit more systematization. The extended explanation of how you would like to get events you help organize certified could be cut down a bit, or tidied up so that it had a clearer and more consistent message for the reader. Try to explain exactly what you want the reader to take away from the piece up front, then refer back to it as you progress, that way you can make sure that all of your writing works step by step to accomplish the goal you’ve set out to accomplish.

Second, there were are large number of little errors and turns of phrase that I had to pause at to make sure I was following your thoughts. I’ve tried to point those out wherever possible in my marginal comments, but going through and giving this a solid bit of editing would be very helpful. Try reading very slowly, or better, out loud (even though it may be horribly painful). Spending 10 minutes doing that can help you find errors that you would’ve missed even after 20 silent read throughs.

On the whole, you’ve got a great idea for this piece. You just need to give it a solid revision and polishing for it to live up to its full potential.

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