Don’t Nobody Love Like We Do
Cayla Lorenn Hoggard
11

You’ve got a great start on your story here. You’ve done an excellent job of finding materials online to flesh out a large amount of Tori Kelly’s background. I’ve made some minor comments throughout on ways you could fix it up, which include correcting some typos, adding links to more of the things you reference, and trying to contextualize the videos you’ve dropped in by introducing them, discussing what the audience ought to take from them, etc.

The main thing that needs work in this story is finding a way to articulate the overall point of the article in about 2–3 sentences. Why are you writing this? How does it relate to your overall topic? Why should your audience read this piece? What should they take away from it? You want to try to answer those questions up front, and then refer back to that plan, framing the facts your are providing in light of that overall plan for the article. The problem here is that it reads like a long list of various interesting things about Tori Kelly, but there isn’t really a point where it all gels together and works in unison to make a larger point about the music industry as a whole.

I say all this because I think you are on the cusp of it, not because it is totally lacking in the piece. You have all the raw materials here that you would need to create a really original and interesting article, you just need to take them apart, look at them, and reassemble them in a way that makes sense to readers, frame them in a way that highlights what the overall point is. If you need some help with that, I’d be happy to meet with you and chat about it. This is a nice start though, and with some fine tuning it could really turn into something more.

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