How Men and Women Differ in Handling Rejections (And Its Social Implications)
My last blog post, which discussed why the notion of men and women being “just friends” doesn’t work when one party is interested romantically with another, was… quite polarizing, to say the least. Quite a few said that it was well written. (Thanks, by the way!) Many seemed to have only read the title and not the entire blog. Never knew that clickbait can come on accident, but maybe I should have workshopped that title. A lot had the idea that I was referring to simply saying that there should be some gender apartheid because they cannot work together. Others chalked it down to my reliance on my own experiences. I made an addendum to note that some parts of the article were also based on some recent articles and books I have read on the subject, which can be found as a response to the blog post.
However, enough of that first foray of mine into online writing! Now, I will follow up as I promised by explaining the substantial differences in how, across genders, we experience the low points in our romantic endeavors: those horrible rejections.
Before diving in, I want to prepare you for an abundance of links to be featured in this post. The lack of evidence was a criticism of my last one, so prepare your popcorn. This is going to be a rather long read for you if you explore those articles.
A study from February 2022 shows that women tend to be more sensitive to rejection than men, and they are more prone to being anxious about forming and maintaining relationships with others. I believe this stems from the old-fashioned notion that men need to take the initiative in advancing the relationship. This has been a rule set in stone so much that there is an actual dating app devoted to switching gender roles so that women make the first move. Whether that is effective has been… up for debate.
Here is my experience. As I mentioned in the previous blog post, I have faced rejection a handful of times. I have taken it better over time, but that never meant that I felt like a mess inside. However, when that has happened to me, I have never… oh, I don’t know, questioned their sexuality, threatened them with a false allegation of rape, or tried to attack them with a knife.
All of those events happened to me when I rejected a woman. Once.
Funnily enough, it was a friend who had actually rejected me first. Speaking with the guy she was pursuing, she apparently went into a tirade about how anyone would be crazy to deny her. I guess that was the catalyst for her asking me. I didn’t know she would do such a thing, but at that point, I had moved on from wanting to be in a relationship with her. That’s when all those events happened. I had been called “gay” before, but never to the extent that evidently not liking one girl would make me this way. I dreaded being tied to a false allegation, and I can only thank my close friend for grabbing that weapon when he did. Looking back, I can plainly see the signs of a narcissist in the making. However, it does seem to be a common occurrence rather than a rarity in women.
This is not to say that men are not immune to doing such acts. Hell, at least I was not murdered, which I, unfortunately, cannot say for the victims of atrocities committed by the scum of the earth like Elliot Rodger. However, even “tamer” acts like crying that a woman doesn’t like a man or continuing to pressure women can get frowned upon, as they should be.
When it comes to women though… their negative reactions to rejection are not as scrutinized. In fact, they are supported.
That girl I mentioned earlier? She received so much support from her friends to the point that there was a rumor that spread that I was indeed gay. The rumor wasn’t the problem necessarily, but its context, which presumed that rejecting her proved my homosexuality, was. Consider if the roles were reversed and if after she rejected me, I called her a lesbian. That would NEVER go over well, and rightfully so. I would never receive support for saying something as outrageous as that. But she can?
And I am not alone in thinking that. It’s such a noted point that it’s even an unpopular opinion that seems to have some traction behind it! Not only that, but a study has shown that women have a more intense reaction to rejection than men. There are many stories on Reddit where men have experienced similar events to me when they rebuffed a woman’s advances. It’s even an unpopular opinion!
There is an all-too-prevalent double standard when it comes to rejection, and we as a society need to address that. If women can get support in calling men gay for rejecting them, that further casts a negative light on men and absolves women, leading to the idea that men are being victimized socially and fueling the “red pill” narrative that leads to instances like Elliot Rodger.
