No title was suitable…
For such a long time this was running through my entire mind. Every step I had walked, showed it. I did not utter it! I was too busy thinking…or doing…I don’t know.
And one day, a close friend( whom words I was taking in consideration) wrote: ‘ I am afraid to settle for a life that I don’t want’.
Well…that was it. Someone put words on paper! It struck MY MIND! ‘’THIS IS IT! I know, now, why I failed in my relationships! It is me! I am guilty of saying NO to building a family!’’
BUT I WANTED A FAMILY!
Why I was afraid?
Because I have worked too much with my mind to discover the successful life of a happy person.
My mind played me for a such a long time. Important moments in which I was unfair to so many around me.
Regret is NOW. Regret of not trying, regret of hurting all of them, regret of harming myself.
Today as I was reaching my moment of silence, reading some very good learnings on how to reach happiness, she was there next to me. A well known actress talking about her life, her experience of living in LA, herself in so many aspects of her life. I was disturbed of so much ‘I’ in her speech, but soon got to understand that I was actually standing next to myself. She was there, to teach me! SOMETHING!
For as much time as you will try to run a perfect life, a perfect relationship, a perfect manager, a perfect girlfriend, and so on…..YOU WILL LOSE!!! YOU MISS YOUR LIFE! It is like some of the best episodes of your most loved TV serial don’t work on your laptop when you most want them.
Maybe for a certain period you can avoid awareness of your life. Acceptance is the key. Your battle can last. Just take time for yourself to understand the why&when.
I can feel now what really ‘release’ mean. TRY. It might be an answer for you, too.